Quietly

I wote this several weeks ago

I loved listening to the things Sonia Choquette spoke of in the video she posted on the throat chakra yesterday.. in the video she spoke of how full our head so often are of noise, we may not even always be aware of the running commentary we have going on but for me when its slows down or stops completely that for me is the best time, the time of peace.

Maybe I gravitage towards loving evenings more than mornings having been born just after 7 pm. Its always a relief to close the curtains, finish dinner and then just sit quietly in the silence for a while, I have been trying to do more meditation of late and not get so swept up in ‘drama’. I had to cut contact completely with Scott he would not respect my boundaries at all and I am so exhausted by his problems.. Part of me judges the other part that is protecting her peace but to be honestly I do not think empaths learn to self protect enough. We seem to feel its some kind of gold star to be always caring for others problems or taking them on. That said this is not about shutting down feeling..

For example today when I saw my elderly neighbor walking around earlier with her stick I went out to say hello and find out how her husband is. sadly he had a seizures several weeks ago and had to be put into hospital and sadly with Covid restrictions here it was hard for Roz to visit but she told me today that she managed to be allowed one visit to him last week.. I really did feel for Roz, its such a tough thing to be separated from those we love due to Covid especially when they are going through so much.

That kind of caring does not have to take away the peace.. And the simple joy of just being able to be quiet and not focused on problems.. God knows there are probably lots of things in life we would change if it was in our power to do so, but somethings we just cannot change. Its a relief to be able to get into bed lately, to know that for those 6 or 7 hours I will not have to focus on the problems in the world and even when awake make sure I am putting my focus on something enjoyable.

Today it was a visit to the park and finally getting to watch the movie My Salinger Year. I had been wanting to see this movie for just under a year, and when I asked a friend to go who is quite dominant she suggested we see another movie which I really found far too violent and did not enjoy, in contrast the movie is so charming with great performances especially from Sigourney Weaver who plays the female boss at a literary agency where the central character Joanna goes to work. Joanna is an aspiring writer who moves to New York with high hopes of becoming a writer.. instead in her role as assistant to Margaret she becomes a kind of secretary with the key role of reading and replying to letters addressed to the famous reclusive writer S J Salinger. Salinger lives in isolation and does not want to be bothered by fans, so its Joanna’s task to read the letters and then shred them replying as necessary but it does not take long for her to begin to be entraced by some of the writers and then she takes it upon herself to become more authoritative in her replies.. It is a great movie to watch for anyone who is a fan of literature. The relationship that develops between Margaret and Joanna is very touching and emotional, Margaret is not dissimilar to the kind of tyrannical boss played by Meryl Streep in the movie The Devil Wears Prada but in time she has to bring down some of her defenses as slowly the engaging, perceptive and softer nature of her ‘prodigy’ open her up, particularly after tragedy hits..

I have seen it written that people with high sensitivity enjoy most a quieter life that is peaceful and that we gain especial pleasure from movies, books and poetry.. That seems to be true in my case.. The more I center myself within this quiet and peace the more complete and whole and centered I experience myself to be and the less fragmented.

I wrote this post a few weeks ago and then I seemed to hit the wall with a bad fall inwards last week but I just took a look at my drafts folder which contains 102 items and I am going through the process of editing some of the poems while trying to work out which posts to trash.. I thought I would post this today though. It was a really happy day spent finally getting to see a movie I did not get to see due to putting someone else’s preference first.