My tears speak

There are things I cannot say

I cannot find the words

But in this dusky silence

My tears speak

My body hurts sometimes

With the pressure you placed on me

I also honestly struggle

With so many deep feelings of fear

And thoughts of mistrust

And inadequacy

Maybe it was my incapacity to trust

That led us to this

Terrible precipice

And lately perhaps I am not

So sure

If I really know

How to be happy

It was not my fault

Carrying all of this buried grief

That blocked me for so long

From living an easy

Open hearted life

But I truly do not want to go on this way

You both say the other is lying

All it does is make me feel crazy

Listen

I am sick to the death of crying

Why couldn’t I have waited

Until I stood on more solid internal ground

Before I started reaching for love?

I see now that I jumped the gun

But was it wrong for my heart to long

Only now to find that over these past years

I have grown

Stronger

And deep inside I do trust

That I am adequate

And that I truly do know

How to cope

And to live my life

Even standing alone

Having the power to blossom

And make my peace

With all of these complex problems

And restless

Ghosts