Nights

Nights can be the hardest time knowing someone you love is in a dark place. Maybe its far better my sister is in the hospital right now but I can only imagine how list and scared she must feel right now. She has gone into the public system this time.

It was such a dark time when she made the attempt on her life all of those years ago but rhe truth is that she is still struggling with being alive. Perhaps I should have tried to call her every day. I let it slide a bit last week and the last time we spoke I did go into a deep vortex, I cried silently through a lot of that call when she had no conversation but I tried to stay on the line as long as I could. Maybe I should have done more but what?.

The last thing I want to do is make this about me, but for me, even if others don’t understand it, it helps to write just to get the thoughts out of my head and help the possibility of sleep. I will be praying extra hard tonight to her guardian angel. I really just need to find a way to be at as much peace as I can tonight.

Knowing I also failed in giving my nephew the support he felt he needed is tough too. But I’m only one limited human, and I try my best to support my own life, sadly if we live alone its what we have to do and sometimes we run out of energy…