I just had a lovely chat to one of my mates from AA… I do not get to meetings much these days which is sad, I am starting to miss them.. I rang him to ask him how he has coped with his own anger in the past and did he experience a lot of it.. He told me that lately it has been really bad, he had to move into a new living situation in which his needs are not being noticed and others are putting theirs first.. I felt for him, really but it drove home a very important issue to me, is the use of substances one way we try to find at least some relief from the constant absence of others NOT GIVING A FLYING FUCK? or when when we seem to get consistently over ridden or ignored.. He also said at times he uses the solution of having nothing to do with anyone.. It put my own sister’s struggles into a new light for me.. I see her son at times monopolizing the conversation, and not caring to link in to her deeply.. then I think of times I talk too much when we are connecting, though I also share long silences with her just so she can feel someone is there.
Anyway I thought I would just put this out there today.. We may judge a behavior in someone, even a narcissistic behavior but not see the suffering lying behind it.. That said some people are just full of themselves, which may be partly a good thing but when they show no time or give no leeway to others it starts to get painful…
I can identify with my friend in terms of how my brother is at times and at times I have judged his wife but possibly she struggled with his emotional unavailability too.. frustration of valid needs can be a big issue, ideally we may have to seek ways to meet them but sometimes that may not be possible, for example we may be dependent or not able to move away.. In that case where does the suffering go and how deeply does it impact the sufferer? And do some suffer more simply due to circumstances of powerlessness, only to be looked down upon, dismissed and blamed for the only way the can find to deal with that situation?
Emerging From The Dark Night 