Agony

You writhed in agony so many times

But when younger

You were the wild horse

That never could imagine being tamed

And yet somehow you lost the way

To the truth

Of your inner majesty

It can be like this in families

Hungering to be seen

We lose ourselves

And the hidden grief may bury us for years

Underneath the crippling weight

Of a thousand disguises

Lately I have sensed

Forces in our family

Would rather you were dead

They did not know really

The depths of your suffering

I saw it

I even swallowed it into myself

In the end I could not save you

So when your spirit finally flew free

Of this earthly body

Part of me celebrated

While another part grieved

I still grieve for you

But there was nothing else to do

Except to witness it

And now I just pray

You finally are

Free to fly

And that the lessons

That your painful life taught me

Will never ever be

In vain