I wish I knew so much more about Stephen Porges polyvagal theory a few years ago..it explains so much connecting as it does to the connection trauma wound I have shared about it the past few weeks.. A feeling also of lack of safety and trust as well as attunement when not built into our central nervous systems in childhood leads us vulnerable either to dorsal vagal shut down, or sympathetic (over) activation and the polarisation between those two shows the bi polar symptoms..
The ventral vagus is the later social engagement response laid down in humans 200,000,000 years ago as opposed to the sympathetic (fear flight fight) – 400,000,000 and the dorsal vagal – 500,000,000 this is most probably reflected in brain structures which evolved and developed I am sure though I have yet to study the full linkages.
I now see how I went into dorsal vagal shut down, when I head it explained in the first video I recognised it as where my sister is right now too.. she spent a lot of time in sympathetic (over) activation too.. the last time she came out of hospital and came right she was connecting but that was a bit manic and she doesnt even remember a lot of it now.. I am scared about the part I played in this being so emotionally avoidant..
When our social engagement or ventral vagal responses get shut down that is when we retreat, we move away from or mistrust engagement, we become hyper-vigilant to threat, highly activated in the sympathetic nervous system and if we were not co-regulated well in relationships or on the receiving end of attacks from uncaring people who lacked empathy we would tend to feel even more unsafe and begin to retreat even more. We may then go into full on collapse. And if we turn to psychiatrists who want to shock us how is that helping?
Anyway I hope you find something to help in the two videos before.. I am very pleased to have discovered the work of Deb Dana today after listening to the first video in which Polyvagal theory is clearly explained.. This is making sense of so much of my own wounded and wounding responses to my parents inability to be present and regulate me..
In past days I have been reaching out to engage socially all of the time.. I have connected with an old friend who I studied teaching with before Dad barred me from further studies…and with other friends too.. I feel so much joy when I reach out to connect.. my life comes alive and I feel no longer as shut down and dead.. What a gift after all of these years of work to finally start to feel safe enough to come out and engage fully as my true self in a safer world. I wish the same for all sufferers of long term trauma I truly do.. but this just goes to show we need help and understanding more than anything into the critical role our vagus responses play in life and trauma.
Emerging From The Dark Night 