Falling

Falling into the emptiness

I was lost

With no sense of ground

Aching

Longing

While my heart bled from all of these wounds

Invisible to the eye

Now some days I finally see

How I never really got to know the ways

Of being loved

Of loving

Tenderly

Instead I just fell into the blackness

Even as you stood there with both arms open

Or later

Silently foundering

I gave us no exit

Because the unprocessed past

Was literally drowning me

And so its no surprise you left me there

Falling

Foundering

Lately I want you to know how sorry I am

Even as she explains to me over and over again

It was not my fault

But I just know that in those years

I lacked the capacity

And even now

When my new love shows me love

Sometimes I only want to run

Even as my heart cries out to me

When I leave it far behind

Still there are here

All of these feelings

Along with a mind playing tricks on me

There was a dead zone I had to leave behind

To find the ways of those with a true capacity

For kindness

Acceptance

And empathy

Thank you for being patient with me

Even when I fall again

And thank you for never allowing me

To leave you too far behind

For showing me

What it truly means to love

So beautifully

So consistently

So unconditionally