If I cannot connect to others I can always connect with myself.. I think at times I get lost in the child state, I forget I am an adult and that I do not have to try as hard to connect.. After all no one else is bothered about connecting with me much at all.. That should not be a cause for self pity as self pity will take me down..
I take very seriously this concept of Thich Knat Hahn that internal formations are laid down by the way we react to events.. I am posting a link to that article below. He also says in a small excerpt that appears in his book How To Fight that so many of us deny the full depth of our emotions.. Its only when we learn to accept our emotions mindfully that we can begin to be a mother to them and not try to palm them off on others. What is accepted (even if we do not love it) can also become something we learn from
Reacting is something I think I do a lot and its taking time to learn how to hold lovingly and contain. .. I think it is also what Scott does to me a lot of the time. he tries to make me carry his abandonment pain and that triggers the part of me that tried so hard to save my sister and mother and could not.. This savior thing is related to Neptune right now and then the Chiron in Mars ruled Aries issue of how I sacrificed myself to be there… and there is anger over this but since I cannot change the past what useful purpose does the anger serve? As Thich explains it is only compassion that in the end can help us to untie or loosen all of the knots created inside of us when we react to hurt and mistakes and injuries in way that makes our bodies hearts and minds even tighter and more hard and constricted by acting in or out in unloving ways.
Emerging From The Dark Night 