On letting go (again!!)

I let Scott connect with me again. I figured I had to get strong enough to speak my truth and set a boundary without cutting him off and I had to feel the pain over him coming home not working out move on and through me without resisting it to move through to ACCEPTANCE. He is still putting me under pressure to borrow money to pay the military back but I am not doing it.. It isn’t my responsibility anyway.. I also have to keep in mind when my sister comes out of hospital if she chooses not to own her life I cannot save her, I will support but I have my own life to live and have to pace myself. It feels good to let go of the idea that if I get life’s magic formula right things will not go wrong and I will get what I long for, maybe life is not like that, maybe my life is just messy at times, maybe really there are all kinds of things outside of my control..

On the way home from the library and to get food for a meal tonight I had the thought that sometimes we are not content enough with the bounty we do have. Instead of seeing the good things WE DO HAVE, we look for something more or instead of seeing the lovely sheen of its skin we seek for the worm in the apple..

Even a little while ago after a friend who knows my sister called and I told her all about the Scott debacle she said to me “things are really tough for you right now” and I laughed, “When haven’t they been?” I said and really they are only as hard as I make them. I am over doing the D.R.A.M.A. and loading this all up with frustration, put uponness and anguish. I would rather be at peace.

Sun is coming up to oppose Pluto and that is not an easy time for we may tend towards taking a darker attitude to things, but really its all in our perspective, so what if things are not working out ACCORDING TO OUR WILL.. Did we think to ask what God had in mind for us? Why continue to push a dead weight up hill, why not just surrender it all for a while and take a rest, or time to look at the stars and smell the roses?.

Anyway for what it is worth this is where I am tonight.. I am not in charge of a lot but I am in charge of my attitude and I am in charge of making my life as peaceful and content as I can.. these aspects of my life and consciousness are within my power. It is just a matter of finding ways to adapt myself and attitude to reality.. Who knows what other things lie in the future? Maybe there is a reason it didn’t work out.