We had the movement of Mercury finally from its long stay in Gemini (due to retrograde movement in June) into Cancer yesterday. This is a shift from air to water and so we may be reflecting a lot more on our feelings and family or mothering/bonding issues and Cancer also rules memories to they may start to bleed through and tone daily events as well.
I do not know about you but my dream life has been very powerful over the past week or so.. I wish I wrote last night’s dreams down as they have escaped memory now but they were strong and I actually slept through for the first time in months.. I got the news my sister would be coming out of hospital tomorrow as well late last night. Her son’s wife confirmed the timing as my sister was vague about it on the weekend due to her ECT short term memory damage.
I put through a call to the caretaker of the building my sister lives now in the apartment that used to be Mum’s (she tried to take her life in this apartment in 2013). He is a lovely man and was so kind to my Mum and was not told the last time my sister came out, at that time she was very withdrawn after the long period of high wired extraversion she was in from October 2019 to July 2020. It turns out his family history goes back to Cornwall as well and they left around the time my ancestors did due to the bottom falling out of tin mining there. We talked about his father and grandfathers time in the coal mines too and of the blind horses they led into and out of the pits (this is all very Cancerian/Plutonian really). He mentioned my Mum’s step dad when I spoke of Mum’s neglect, when Poppa came into the picture (when Mum was 14) a new light came on for her and Nana, but prior to that Nana sent her away into domestic service in the same time, Mum told me she always felt rejected as though ‘the kid’ (as Nana used to call her was too much bother!)
I have to watch my boundaries with everything in terms of my sister coming out of hospital as on Sunday her being so anxious about how she would cope triggered me and I was already not in a very good state over Scott.. I have just had to be really strong at keeping up a boundary with him at the moment.. I cannot be put under even more pressure.
On a bright note the triple conjunction of Mars Venus and the Moon in Leo last night bought a lot of positive sunshine and good fathering energy into my life, listening to a talk fy R C Blakes on self love was just what was needed last night..I am sure what I learned from that helped me to sleep really well last night..
I just have to be able to help my sister in some way to keep connected even though so much of that is up to her, I do feel that reaching out is so important since she often finds that so hard to do.. Lately there is a nice energy when we get to be loving sisters and big kids together too.. Sometimes her adult self used to criticize and shame my child and so I get fearful at times of that but lately she has been so soft and nurturing to me, especially since the shock treatment.. I have been doing all I can do to be a loving sister and that is paying off.. I am not doing it to get things back because I love her, but when she loves me in return it really feels good. Letting myself feel that hidden softness and vulnerability I so often felt I had to keep under wraps is a liberation lately and I am being helped to see how both my parents had to, in growing up too soon, cut off aspects of their inner child that so needed to live.. maybe now some of my task is in letting that energy live, guided by the inner loving parents as well as my higher power, God and the angels.
Emerging From The Dark Night 