safest alone

I wrote this post about three weeks ago. Many of my posts never make it out of drafts. Lately I have been reading about different manifestations of empathy. It can be difficult when we are raised without a sense of what it may mean for us to be highly sensitive and then undergo abandonment. Looking back I see that for so many years I did not feel safe in the world and that if I didn’t fit in it was the situations I was often not comfortable with just because that is the way I was wired. I also did not really learn to do anything but try to adapt to difficult situations around me..I wasn’t pro active in loving self care Now I look back to what I lost and how I struggled I blame myself less but at times I still feel guilt and shame over things not my responsibility. This post is, in essence, about this struggle in me. :

As an empath I am realising lately that there is nothing wrong with feeling safest and most content alone.. When I think of all I put up with over three years my heart and head hurts.. I wish I had preserved my own space, my own life energy.. realized how valuable I am and that its up to others to take care of themselves and their own lives.

I have been following up on some posts and comments on the Awakened Empath page this evening and there are a lot of out there who are highly sensitive and deeply attuned and the consensus is that when we are wired this way we have to do all we can do to protect our energy and value our gifts.. For me, as I look back over years and years, I see I did not do this.. I let people in who were not safe or right for me.. I put up with things I should have not.. I did not stop things happening, abuses and pressure I wish I had now..

Some days my whole body and brain burns with the pain of what has happened to me over the past 3 years. My feeling is that when this Full Moon hits on Tuesday it will fully step down on the planet all of this current building Uranian/Venusian energy.. Taurus is the placement of the Sun, Mercury, Venus and Uranus at present and it equates to us realizing the value in the earth, our bodies, nature and natural processes as well as to seeing where we corrupt these things or co-opt them in unhealthy ways..

It is no surprise to me that that the moment some countries are getting hard hit with the reality of what happens when we fail to take action to protect against what is a virus for us or toxic to health and well being. We are also being enlightened (Uranus) as to where and how it is that we lose our true sense of value, fail to champion the earth and our souls, fail to protect, fail to connect to the sensate intuitive ‘feminine’ as well as acknowledge our own and other people’s inherent being, preciousness and value. We are also being shown and asked to question where is it that we have allowed ourselves to be consistently devalued or where we may have betrayed our values over recent years.

It is up to each of us to know our own value and to practice self love.. Venus is the earth mother who wants to shine down her radiant love and life on us but she can also turn into a Goddess of War when the feminine is threatened or devalued.. Recent events are showing toxic masculine forces can no longer seek to overpower and devalue the feminine or more earthly grounded races on this planet… Uranus is asking us to champion Venus and when the Moon enters Scorpio on Tuesday we may get some dark lessons into all of this.. This will be the time we will be challenged to stand true to our deepest soul values and to dig deep for what will help us to awaken more and be more true to the path the evolution of our soul wishes us to take moving forward.. There may be some intense emotional releases too, when the Moon in Scorpio faces off with the Sun on Tuesday.