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So much distress

I’ve had the worst panic and digestive attacks after visiting my sister in hospital yesterday. I have not seen her look this bad in such a long time and she is not moving her body and I can just feel all of the pent up energy inside of her.. She has problems with her mouth and keeps up this chewing motion, I just feel so goddam sad and angry at psychiatry right now.. I am ballistic with rage, they are not helping her but worst is she is not helping herself but even sadder is that is NOT HER FAULT AS SHE DOES NOT REALLY KNOW HOW TO.. JUST CRYING AND CRYING RIGHT NOW. THERE IS NO ONE HERE TO TALK TO .. I DO NOT FEEL i CAN CALL HER SON. My brother and I spoke a bit about it on Friday but I was being too self centered at the time upset she never calls me but to ask for something.. I really do not know what to do today.. I just feel she needs so much better help than this but I do not know how to get it.. I feel she needs someone to fight for her.. i cannot just walk away because it distressed me but sometimes that is how I feel. Someone committed suicide this week in the facility too. I cried when I heard that, the person was only 30 years old and had a husband.. what he must be going through I can only imagine… it at least feels a bit better getting this out.. but ive lost one sister and my Mum and my Dad and my Godparents.. the one nephew I called on Friday didn’t call back.. its okay I know he finds our part of the family hard.. so I understand.. Today all I can do is pray and get myself out somewhere warm as I just feel so all alone with it today..please pray for my sister..

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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5 thoughts on “So much distress”

  2. I am so sorry to hear this. I am sending you lots of care and many prayers. It is so difficult to see loved ones in so much pain. It is a helpless feeling. I always believe showing up. loving, and being with is a large part of what we can do, and you so clearly so this. 💗

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    1. I dint know I really pulled back a bit in past weeks as I only see her getting worse or better not moving forward at all. I just feel she is so trapped in a dead and numbing system but then I have to remember its down to what she is choosing too. There are no easy answers but thanks so so much for your ongoing support. ❤

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