Knowing we have the capacity and inner resources to endure hardships and challenges is so important in this life..but it may take some time and lots of trials and walking through both fire and ice to realize it. Some things can seem to ‘break’ us..break us open to a new perspective or feel like they are shattering us or breaking parts of us down. Who knows if these parts or structures are not destined to crumble.
For some of us lacking an inner sense of our own value and goodness it can be hard but if we work over time through the suffering to build up that deeper foundation of acceptance and self love we can rise again..or break free of old cocoons we had to weave around us.
I just read a chapter in a book on being ourselves by an author who was told after she ‘failed to make the grade’ as a high school cheerleader by her little sister..”good that means you can be yourself”. At the time she didn’t like the advice but how many of us tried so hard to be something not us or not right for our soul and hurt ourselves my self rejecting and ignoring our true gifts in the process?
Today in the midst of all these recent challenges I thought and questioned again what my life is for. For me maybe it is to keep loving myself and trying to take care of my own life. It’s no longer running over to the hospital to worry over my sister. It’s time she reached out and if she doesn’t want to that is fine too. I have just grown so tired of helping. Maybe it’s time for a rest.
I am actually beginning to sleep the best I have following the head injury in 2005. As I look back I see how much inner work I have done on myself but also see my old patterns in glaring clarity. We cannot change a pattern until we see it and become aware. Then it’s important to ask the help of God and our higher self as well as the angels. God or higher power wants us growing in love..to me that is my primary purpose as a human right now blossoming as the person I truly am in spirit and in love. But there are some things we may need to accept too, that we are not really meant to change.
Our love can be a strong love that has compassion for weakness but won’t allow us to be defeated by them, deny them, or not face up, loving and accepting ourselves and others too. For it is in acknowledging my limits and weaknesses and turning them over that change comes or does not come..I just have to become receptive and relax more in trust of Gods love and purpose for my life .
Emerging From The Dark Night 