When I think of how much I lost the path to joy my heart feels sad..not only for myself but for the world and my family. If you think of the many traumas forced upon our ancestors and how forces of repression as well as the need to survive under such harsh conditions affected the world then it all makes sense.. There was also the denial of the feminine, the belief than man needed to triumph over natural chaotic forces that is stronger in the Western and even Eastern cultures but not among those humans who lived closer to natural cycles and the natural world in more traditional or indigenous ways.
The rise of technology was a huge force in the developing consciousness of so many, it has given us benefits but at times it can sever us from nature and natural rhythms if we do not honor them, this is where indigenous cultures can help us.
The thought of how important and healing the experience of joy is for our hearts and souls arose for me this morning as I walked Jasper in the soft greenness of one of our oldest parks here, I was dancing and listening to music (but not on headphones), the air was fresh and everything felt alive.. there was a woman watching and I felt a little self conscious to dance but it is truly what I felt the wish to do in my heart, I felt again how I used to feel as a child when the world was open and I loved to dance and sing.
These words came to me this morning..
“This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad.”
This is not about putting away sadness or negative things but at least accepting, facing or embracing them and doing our very best to bring the love in, not only for ourselves but for others who may be suffering.
I invited a friend I met last year after saying a prayer over for lunch today.. She will be arriving soon.. This is a new thing for me, this reaching out to give and share.. I am so happy about it today…I marinated some chicken, roasted some carrots and cauliflower for a salad and set up some other little things to pick on. It looks like a lovely feast… Scott got the final money on Sunday (I broke through my last fears and hurdles to trust) and hopefully will be out by Thursday, what an amazing Easter gift and blessing if it happens..
At the moment I just feel my heart opening in joy and blossoming.. I have so much darkness in my past and I spoke to a friend who saw my sister yesterday and she is still there.. I just said a prayer for her at the park after I went to get my morning coffee. I love my sister, so much tough stuff went down but she is so terrible fragile and vulnerable at the moment.. All I want to do tomorrow is get over there and give her a big hug.. I cant explain this overflow of love. But it is strong, maybe it has to do with the approach of Easter Week…
I am feeling such a sense of uplift lately.. this is special time with so many planets in fire signs.. I will ride the tide of it while it lasts.. I just see so much meanness and fear around at times between people and I don’t want that to be for my life.. I know in the end its all up to me and the happiness and attitude I take, God cannot give to us if we do not find a way to open our hearts, but God also knows how much past trauma can shut it down.. But a closed down heart is a barren thing.. and I am sick to death of barren. There is a time to be broken down and vulnerable but only to crack our hearts wide open to a larger feeling of expansion through surrender at times.. Life may bring us to our knees but we can rise again if we have the capacity to keep breaking open to the flow and ride it on through to the experience of joy and love.
Emerging From The Dark Night 