There are some people we cannot reach as hard as we try, some people who lack that deep empathy gene and block the door with their own limited perceptions. I felt so angry today to hear how our Prime Minister responded to a march for justice on the issue of sexual abuse against women that took place here in Australia yesterday. He said we are lucky in Australia as in other countries guns may have been used against such protesters. Does he not have one clue about the level.of toxicity of such a comment? Why won’t he address the pain of what is being done to women and does he really expect us to remain silent and just suck it up?
But this simply also bought to mind the ways I and my two sisters ave been treated by my older brother at times..paternalistic, patriarchal and emotionally shut down in the extreme he finds it hard to respond from his heart to us at all and he’s been actively blocking the flow of resources to us Mum intended for our use.
I truly do not know if some men understand how it is to grow up a woman around men who keep you in their narrowly defined margins of what is ‘acceptable’ and ‘non acceptable.’ I hit these limits with my father, with ex partners and most definitely with my ex husband. I would never in my life have dreamed of trying to dictate to others in such a way and knowing what it is to be demeaned by some men and to have your access to power stripped is awful but it’s not even on the same level of being physically violated and then blamed for being raped or abused by a man either physically or emotionally.
Earlier today I was crying in the bath over the inheritance issue in our family and in pain that the mother my sister and I stood by in her final years and through her many hospitalusatiind and illnesses left an older son in charge of her affairs when he was so rarely even there for her physically or emotionally. A family friend who has witnessed the whole thing has recently given up even trying to get him to help us and take action. Feeling there is or not knowing where you can turn to to get help with it all is so difficult. Thus brother sees himself as superior, he lacks true empathy, values money over other more important values and his treatment of us makes me feel so alone at times. If I try to voice anything I get labelled as a trouble maker.
Today I decided I cannot let this bring me down when lately I’ve really felt I am finally beginning to triumph over my past trauma. I just want control over what was left to me but this may be yet another case of having to pray and let go. Never the less it angers me men are profiting financially as all of this goes on. The longer they get to drag it out the more money that is in it for them. As someone said today about the current issues if sexual abuse in parliament …it is the system that needs to change because of endemic power imbalances. If you are a woman you will be treated as stupid a lot of the time..or inadequate in some way, the cause of what happened or bad for trying to call attention to it. Some men will try to make you seem less than while wielding that knife that cuts off empathy and open hearted compassion… It really is a terribly frustrating state of affairs.
Emerging From The Dark Night 