It is so important in this life to feel we can face difficult situations and rise, that we need not be totally defeated by the (at times) painful givens of life. That said some things may not be meant to be no matter how much effort we put in, in that situation our skill lies in knowing when to let go and take a step back, to detach, surrender or shed old worn out feelings. I have had to do this with my family situation many times. I wish I had done it sooner in some relationships, especially when it was obvious I was sacrificing my own sense of okayness in the process.
In the 12 step program we have a prayer to help us align with life’s flow and with wisdom In the Serenity Prayer we ask God for the courage to change the things we can change and the serenity to accept the things we cannot, taking this attitude leads to a quality Joyce Meyer was speaking about in a talk on triumph last night I listened to…. stability. At times it is not easy to find stability or as the Buddhist might call it equanimity when faced with challenges that go against our will or ideas of how things, events, situations or people ‘should’ be.. But there is an area where we can most definately work through rather than avoid and that is where it comes to our past and our emotions.. We can be brave enough to face the impact of our past and learn and grow without remaining stuck there in a victim stance..
Forgiveness may be involved in this process and requires an active choice to feel and let go. Forgiveness does not avoid pain but faces it head on but it involves a decision not to allow pain to poison us or make us bitter or leave us drowning in a pool of inertia, it is an active choice. Forgiveness may mean wee decide we do not even want to have much to do with the person we need to forgive, but to unhook which means not allowing the barbs of hurt or sorrow over past actions to keep sticking into us and hurting us over and over. A sense of irony and humor can help us here.. If we can laugh at the situation and see the unfairness or ridiculousness of it in a funny light that may help us to release some of the intensity or sting of things.
The serenity prayer also tells us that it is the quality of wisdom we also need to pray for as wisdom helps us to discriminate and be grounded, mature and realistic about what can and cannot be changed, what is and is not within our control and power.. The teachings in the Bible that most relate to wisdom are found in the Book of Proverbs.. I have been trying to write a post about this after buying an excellent book that unpacks some of the teachings of this profound text written by King Solomon in recent weeks. Below is an excerpt from the book I bought recently Proverbs : Annotated & Explained which has some important things to say about developing equanimity and wisdom.
(the wise recognise grief and discontent) as much a part of life for (both) the wise or the foolish. The difference is that the wise do not expect things to be other than they are. They understand that the complexity of life means that conditions will arise now and again that necessitate grief and suffering. These they will accept with the same tranquility as their opposites – joy and well being. The wise know that they are not intended beneficiaries of good nor the intended targets of evil. They are simply part of the complexity of life unfolding this way and that according to the conditions of the moment – conditions over which they know they have no control. .. the wise accept reality as it is, learning how to navigate life in all of its forms with tranquility, grace, compassion, and peace, while the foolish expect only what they desire and rail against life when it offers what they do not desire, and thus live in a hell of unfulfilled desire…
In separate passages the author Rabbi Rami Shapiro defines wisdom :
Wisdom is the current of the sea, as well as the water; she is the grain of jade as well as of rock. To know Wisdom is to know the way of all things, and to know the way of all things is to know the way of the self and that Source from which self and all things arise.
Wisdom reveals that you are part of the Whole and hence empowered by it. Without wisdom, you wrongfully imagine you are apart from the Whole and powerless. The quest for power over others rather than the realisation that power results from your unity with others is the way evil infects you life.
When we begin to recognize and honor that source or Whole and seek direction from it through prayer, it is my belief that then is when we become truly wise. When we seek within for equanimity we can work through things that hurt and turn them around for our healing and growth into awareness of the nature of reality.
Emerging From The Dark Night 