Listening inwardly

I find the writing of Henri Nouwen so inspiring and deeply comforting. When I read his books I feel I touch a place of grace and wisdom for he went on a journey that led deep into the heart of a great deal of inner loneliness in which he began to question everything.. Out of this place of breakdown, breaking apart and breaking through he found an inner voice of love that spoke to him frim within the depths of his own sorrow and heartbreak that called him Beloved.. In fact one of his books which was given to me by a good friend in AA is actually called The Inner Voice of Love. This book takes the form of meditations on his inner journey of wrestling to find inner self validation and a deeper connection to wholeness and God

The book I am currently reading Life of the Beloved speaks about the use of two things which help us to connect inwardly : prayer and presence.. It is a lovely practice to spend a half hour or more just in the stillness and the quiet. listening inwardly, touching base with the soft glow of afternoon, or melting into the comfort of the growing dusk as it wraps its blanket of calm soothing around my soul. In a world growing louder and busier each day with the voices and opinions and influences of others it can be such a special gift to find this still quiet time where we listen in for the voice of inner wisdom, knowing and love.

Lately I talk to myself in the voice I think a loving God would use for a beloved child…. I try to notice when a nasty critical voice comes up and when it may be directed towards others in impatience.. Today on the way to the markets a guy behind me tooted at me as I was slow taking off from the traffic lights, I wasn’t distracted, I was just taking my time. I noticed I got a bit riled up about it, touched that reaction lightly and let it go… Lately I am finding its good to take it slowly… and to notice where my annoyances may trigger back to earlier times when I felt dismissed, unvalued or unseen..

Today I can see myself.. Today I also know a loving God sees me. And when I am present I can also count the manifold blessings that surround me on any day I may take for granted if I don’t lose my focus on presence, being open and on gratitude, a smile on the shop assistant’s face, the leaves of a tree blowing in the breeze, the warmth of the Sun and the soft comfort of my dog Jasper’s fur..

All of these blessings grow as I focus on them and give thanks.. And my feeling of peace grows as I turn towards those two tools that offer my soul most easily that priceless gift of peace : Prayer and Presence.