On respect, forgiveness and humility.

Respect is important and I think it requires quiet a deal of emotional intelligence.. I can respect people for their differences now.. I see that we all see things from our own perspective but I also realize its not all or maybe even a great deal of people who “have the capacity to be honest.” In the AA Big Book it says that we can only recover if we find this capacity.. I have to be honest about the times I was not humble but arrogant.. The times I thought I knew stuff or pretended to know stuff or (more likely) hide not knowing due to fear of rejection or abandonment…

In fact, as I look back I think this fear of rejection and abandonment probably played a huge part in me becoming an alcoholic.. Dad encouraged us to drink but to be honest I am not sure I drank for the taste, more for the effect, as now I cannot handle the taste of the stuff.. Same with smoking.. When I was growing up in the late 70s and early 80s it was considered a ‘cool’ thing to do, and like all children I watched my parents and older sibling smoke and wanted to emulate them.. but I do remember being very ill when my Korean friend Oona Minh and I first tried smoking back in about 1974.

I am always grateful for my sobriety and also for AA even though I dont go to many meetings these days.. I learned there I could be honest and humble and that alcoholism and trauma did not respect cultural or social boundaries.. In AA I could be open too about my worst ego foibles and others would laugh in a happy way at it, recognising themselves.. there was a groundedness in those rooms that I felt.. I still did feel a lot of fear there though and there were good reasons for that.

I am getting a great deal out of reading an old Gerald Jampolsky book my Godmother gave me back in 2011 when my last partner and I separated.. It is called From Darkness Into Light in it he is very honest about his own negative ego foibles as a psychiatrist.. he admits he was arrogant and didn’t have answers and he had a massive turn around when he started praying and becoming a student of the divinely inspired A Course In Miracles. I got a great deal out of listening to this old talk which is an interview with he and his wife at bed time last night

Humility to me seems to be what both he and his wife Diane speak for and there is a great deal of respect in humility.. I also love his message of letting go.. Forgiveness is not condoning past wrong doing or abuse, it is about no longer allowing past pain and anger to poison one single moment of our ongoing life.. When we hold our anger up into the light of day it has a tendency to evaporate if we don’t keep feeding it with vengeance for as it says in the Bible “Vengeance is mine, said the Lord!!” Taking it into our own hands and puffing up our ego on it stops of from touching ground with a solid healing base of humility and respect present inside of us when we open our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls to vulnerability, forgiveness and the messy complexity of this human experience.