Misplaced anger

I found myself misplacing some anger onto an innocent driver today.. After our walk I wanted to park in a shady spot at the fruit and vegetable markets but an older man in a big car was blocking the way.. under my breath I was cursing him and his big car.. later after I got my coffee and went back to the car and Jasper and was sitting there checking through my blog drinking my coffee the man said quietly through the window.. “that’s a nice shady spot you’ve got there”..We ended up having such a meaningful conversation about ancestors and migration and I actually got to learn somethings from him I did not know before..After we said goodbye I thought to myself how twisted my perceptions can become sometimes, especially if I am feeling stressed.

The source of stress today is that the friend of my Mum and Dad’s who supported me over my inheritance recently, interceding with my brother became ill this week. I was on the phone to my sister last afternoon trying to organise a birthday celebration for her and Betty called, she left a message to say she had been admitted to hospital on Thursday at 4 pm…..later talking to Scott who knows a lot about Betty I shared my fears she may die… this morning after meditating I began to cry as it became clear she was a very strong link to my Dad and losing him at 23 hurt so much..Betty went to work for Dad in the late 70s and knew all he went through… she remained very close to my Mum until her death in 2017. I needed his support and championing and from the time my older sister became really ill Dad just came down very hard on me, forcing me to go to secretarial college. The level of need and sadness I felt surrounding my Dad that poured out earlier thinking and praying about it all had never been as accessible to me before today and I was really able to cry about it.

In a way my higher power provided the link to that older man today.. His ancestors were from Northern Ireland and he told me that his daughter just had her first baby at 42 years of age.. she is a single parent… I love how my higher power can show me at times where my feelings are out of line and where anger covers other feelings of frustration, loss or grief.. I thought I would share about it.. I am still anxious about Betty.. she doesn’t want any visitors and I am not sure whether to obey that command. I hate to think of her in the hospital without a lot of support.. I will pray about it.. Anger can be a cover for so many other feelings so its important to stop and pause when I get so pissed off with an innocent party.. obviously something was triggered… and I am glad I got to have such a lovely connection with someone I was judging unfairly.. it really taught me a big lesson today.