I wrote this piece two weeks ago its inly a revelatory flash zi had after the first Sacro Occipital Treatment following those two days of being unable to walk. But it contained a huge awakening into my inner mothering dynamics. I am therefore sharing it today.
Mum came to me last night as I spiralled down into relax..release…letting go. I cried out my pain to Mum as I thought of how the kind man holding my arm supported that exhausted person stressed and filled with others pain and how hard Mum worked and being exhausted had little to give me as a child. I didn’t learn love or self nurture as a fighter I fought…I had to just like Mum..no time for self nurture.
What I heard myself cry out was..you taught me I was not perfect as I was..that in order to be perfect I had to perfect myself…but I am perfect. Who I am deep inside my heart is good and true but I also am not disciplined at times in supporting this person. I kept giving of my resources to Scott money I needed to nourish my own life. Much as I care for him its been a false bargain I see that now.
I know he will repay me when he gets back or before…but today I know I must trust my deep within. My goodness and nourish me. I must give all that love and support I try so hard to give to.others to the nurturing of my own spirit and foundation from here on in.
Emerging From The Dark Night 