The urge to call my sister was so strong today. I know I won’t hear from her if I don’t reach out. It hurts but what can I do? Cease all contact?? That just doesn’t feel right but when we talk to her I am only more fully aware of the damage done to her by the medical model and psychiatry. They don’t really seem to get the buried inner child stuff nor crucial aspects of multi generational trauma. She never needed fucking shock treatment wish I could give them all 5000 volts of it to see how the fuck they like it. Brutal!! Fucking brutal!! Calls to mind the Australian actor who chose to take his life after receiving doses of it. And the family forgave the psychiatrist…blind blind blind. I k ow dime people swear by it but my sister was already stressed enough.
We talked for about 20 mins I cried a lot of the way home. My sister must miss Mum she is living in her unit and doesn’t see a lot of people either though her sons are in touch do they really see their Mum?
I can only be real. I can only bear witness. I can only pour out the sadness and feelings of heartbreak I feel for our family and me and my sis as Jasper sits with me in the dark cool late morning…I hold onto parts of his tummy for healing. I trust him.more than any human to respond well to my distress he will also mirror my joy when it hopefully returns some day.
The transiting moon is deep in my 12th house right now in late Cancer so its natural I’m crying…missing Mum feeling the ancestral mothering wound. It will pass if I allow the rising waves safe passage through me.
Now I must eat. Its been a big morning and I’ve therapy at 3. I.need to manage a,walk with Jasper before therapy. Feelings surrendered to do pass in time. I just have to stay open.
Emerging From The Dark Night 