The concept of humility came to mind reading a post a moment ago, the post in question was discussing some words from the AA Big Book in relation to the 12 Step recovery process, “no one amongst us has been able maintain perfect adherence to these principles.” The quote also mentions the most important thing in our recovery journey is that we seek to keep growing spiritually, while recognising its only human to struggle, have flaws and be imperfect.
Considering the amount of trauma many of in recovery underwent from a very young age, as well as the trauma’s of our parents, grand parents and great grandparents we carry, it is any wonder we have wounds? I was browsing in the bookshop earlier today and bought a really good book on parenting and attachment.. Those of us with attachment wounds, losses and insecurities struggle so much in life and we are the ones most liable to look for relief in substances. It is also not uncommon for us to turn away from people (this is a result of what happens when a parent leaves us alone for too long, when they return we may turn away), this turning away can then become a habit (and we need in recovery both to turn within and to new sources that are not as empty for us as so many of our family members can be). I also think that in trauma, the spiritual part of us notices in the power of nature and animals or wildlife a source that may see us or contain us in a way our parents, teachers, siblings or friends could not. We may also recognise these things are more authentic, present, and true in a deeper way than many humans..
Staying quiet, humble and grounded with the wounds can be hard at times. We have to remember the pain we are carrying is not only ours, which may be one reason it feels so enormous and overwhelming at times. After all the rage of Saturday blew on through I am seeing my own trauma from a deeper perspective.. I was able to pour out some of the anguish over the way my living sister’s family ignore me with a good friend of hers on the weekend. That really helped me on Saturday evening when I was in a lot of intense pain and grief over it all. I know it is pointless taking this pain to my brother or sister, they were just raised in the same family system as I was. It was a relief to feel more humble and grounded again and it was a relief the intensity of this anger and sadness I felt passed on through as my cells released even more of it yesterday and last night.. Doing some good 20 minute walks with Jasper really helped me over the past few days, even if it has taken until the afternoon lately to get out with him.
It is important for me to share about my feelings and not feel ashamed too. I was so grateful for those who shared their feedback with managing anger and pain.. It made me realise even more that I am not alone and that everything we go through, others go through too. This is what can release us from the grip of the self centered focus on exclusivity of suffering and pain.
There is a expression I also heard in the rooms of AA “terminal uniqueness” another saying recommends that we do not compare our insides with someone else’s outside expression or appearance because the truth is we do not often know what people are going through. When we are suffering we can get cut off in our pain and yes there is a time we probably need to shut in when we are going through something intense and hurtful but there is also a time to bring the wound out into the light of day too, to give it some air so that it can heal. This is where sharing in 12 step groups and with others on a similar path helps, however, it is important to understand our wounding is not a ‘defect’ it is a difficult result of painful things that happened to us that left us with a powder keg of repressed emotions many of us can struggle to deal with many years down the line recovery.
Humility and grounding helps me too, to understand my own limits of power in terms of struggling with painful feelings.. Asking for help and handing it over in prayer or meditation through conscious contact with higher forces or powers are two things that can work for me. The recognition that I do not struggle alone also only comes when I am willing to be raw, naked and vulnerable and to admit the limits of my own power to change or cope with things..
Effective processing and digesting of pent up stuff also requires I not feel ashamed for experiencing intense reactions to life due to my past attachment trauma and hypersensitivity.. Many of us who were emotionally abandoned do not feel safe with our feelings and so we may bury them or use other means to help us cope, if we were shamed for feeling, old chaotic feelings bring up shame as they rise. This is where being heard and understood and validated is very important as a part of the healing process. Yes, it is we who must see ourselves, but we cannot do this work in isolation. In order to gain strength we need others to say they get it and to share with honestly on the path, as well as the humility to understand that we all have limits to how well we can cope at times.
I have heard the healing process referred to in the work of Tian Dayton as a kind of lancing of a boil or psychic surgery.. The deep feelings we experience and carry and work to externalise are coming up now for a reason collectively. We the exiled may possibly be the ones being asked to be the ‘carriers’ and expressers in some way.. at least this is what my intuition seems to be telling me lately.
Emerging From The Dark Night 