Why trust?

When Mum died I looked outside of myself. I believe that is the first mistake I made, I believed someone who said they wanted to be with me. I believed everything.. I gave my all to this. Each time when he was due to come (and its been over 4 times now) he would disappear or something more would be asked of me.. this happened more times than I can count as I look back, so now I have to question what it was that made me keep on trusting and hoping? A false faith in human nature? That liars and destructively cruel people who only want to hurt you (or perhaps not only that : only wish to profit from your naiveity) exist and have absolutely no regard for you at all.

I have to suck it up. I positively and not going to spend one ounce of self pity on this.. I have to pick myself up. Dust myself off and keep moving forward.. I also have to try my best to stop all the twisted convoluted twists and turns of this from playing over and over in my head. I have been naive..I have been gullibe.. that is the truth. There is no sugar coating it.. I trusted someone who could not be trusted… And in the depths of being so disconnected from others I opened my heart to someone who possibly played on that.. These are the cold hard facts. I kept on jumping through hoops thinking that was what a caring person would do with someone claiming they were in danger and desperate to get out of a potentially lethal situation.. My conscience is clear, but how the hell do they live with theirs? Perhaps my fundamental mistake lay in believing this person had one.