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So much hurt

My heart and body hurts so much.. My sister just called to say she is coming out of hospital tomorrow and going to the coast for Christmas with her son and family, she then proceeded to tell me that she and my brother were my Dad’s favorite children. This cuts me so deeply right now especially with everything with Scott. Not only am I not invited or even included with her family for Christmas, I now know Dad also wanted me to be a boy.. not a girl and he never helped me at all. I don’t want to be resentful or full of self pity but my heart is lacerated right now.. I can only hear God’s voice saying I am beloved. I am hearing other voices telling me I am nothing, would be better off dead and out of everyone’s way.. Why do I keep giving love? Why? No wonder my other sister crashed and burned and her sons were never never supported either.. why are families like this?. Why bring kids into the world if you are not going to love and encourage and support them?

Anyway after processing it all I am glad her fsmily are stepping up for her. Her daughter in law has been better help than me with sorting out clothing. Most of what I get her is rejected, so ill just keep stepping back. Ill try to find a positive way forward. Its not my destiny to be embraced by biological family. Maybe I need to get my ego.out of the way. 🦋💙🦋

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Published by: emergingfromthedarknight

"The religious naturalist is provisioned with tales of natural emergence that are, to my mind, far more magical than traditional miracles. Emergence is inherent in everything that is alive, allowing our yearning for supernatural miracles to be subsumed by our joy in the countless miracles that surround us." Ursula Goodenough How to describe oneself? People are a mystery and there is so much more to us than just our particular experiences or occupations. I could write down a list of attributes and they still might not paint a complete picture pf Deborah Louise and in any case it would not be the full truth of me. I would say that my purpose here on Wordpress is to express some of my random experiences, thoughts and feelings, to share about my particular journey and explore some subjects dear to my heart, such as emotional recovery, healing and astrology while posting up some of the prose/poems which are an outgrowth of my labours with life, love and relationships. If anything I write touches you I would be so pleased to hear for the purpose of reaching out and expressung ourselves is hopefully to connect with each other and find where our souls meet.

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11 thoughts on “So much hurt”

  1. I’m so sorry! Sending you so much love and many spirit hugs my friend 🤍🤍💛💛🤗 You give love because love is who you are and I can always feel it 😊😊💗

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  3. It never feels good, to get, talked down like that, as we are all, longing, for that place, that someone to, accept us completely, and, I can only advise that you try to, tune everything, and everyone out, and, find that focus, on youself, and I know how hard it is, to be, constantly, invalidated, of your thoughts, feelings, etc., etc., etc., and, eventually, hopefully, you learn to, filter out, all those, negative noises, and, find that center on youself.

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  4. They are a DISGRACE ,no way are THEY Your Family .too say this at Christmas time BOTH are very TWISTED .THINK .they BOTH want YOU ILL ..it seems that BOTH of US have been having a very good Cry Runny Snotty Nose .IT HELPS SO MUCH +WITH COPING ..i think FAMILIY ENJOY upsetting -getting at YOU .I,myself would DELETE them No-Contact .there are Proving THEY are NOT going too get on .All they want is too Hurt -Upset YOU , Mark.from.England.,X

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    1. I think that is true Mark… I dont know I am so tired of it all. I just feel very very alone I cannot even be angry any more.. I truly could never be this unkind. Thank you… ❤ I am sorry you are crying too but its only natural. hugs and love.

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  5. No- contact YOU YOURSELF are saying it is making you very very tired .very very Alone MOST OF ALL YOUR HEALTH IS GOING TO BE SO EFFECTED .so BEST FOR YOU ..NO-CONTACT . Mark.X

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