What is fair?

I honestly do not think I know the answer to this question any more.. I try to stay positive but my thoughts go round and round. I tried to help people, why do I always end up getting punished for it? Maybe this could be a Saturn boundary lesson as soon Saturn hits my Mars Saturn Moon.. I am not getting the love back for helping as part of me feels resentful and my fear leads to mistrust but isn’t that just part of being human? I no longer know any of the answers..

David Richo wrote a very good book a while back called The Five Things We Cannot Change and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them. One of the things is that life is not always fair, another is that not everyone is loving and loyal all of the time.

Its hard for me to be in a relationship where some of my shadow side is not accepted and loved, and I feel often the purpose of relationships may be to show us these blind spots.. According to Paul Ferrini if we can give love to the wounded self of the other as they try to move forward through blockages and obstacles to love then we can grown in a holy relationship, otherwise we just seek a ‘special’ relationship that feeds all of our superficial ego needs and then feel justified in judging others and throwing them out of our lives even if they dont live up to the hurdles we set for them to jump through in order to ‘prove’ their love..

This issue is really on my mind tonight.. I hate being forced into the position where I feel I have to beg for someone’s love.. I t happened in my last relationship and I don’t want it for my next one.. Maybe this means the person I am seeking to relate to now and I cannot be in a relationship. I understand his anger over certain things and trust issues, but I can only own I am insecure at times, avoidant at others.. But do I have to keep getting hit over the head with a big stick for this? Is that fair when I have been trying my level best and have promised it will be easier when we are not placed in such an unclear situation? How can he accuse me of not loving him when I have done all I can to keep helping? Maybe I’d have a better chance not with a Libra who are so ideals oriented and maybe I’d be better with someone more humble and less demanding on me, I just don’t know but right now. Despite my limits a lot about this doesn’t seem fair, but then maybe that is just life. Maybe during this upcoming Saturn transit I am going to be spending even more time on my own, due to my trust issues.