I read a post from Benny K of The Written Addiction a while ago in which he spoke of people judging him as intense.. I commented to say, if you had been through such intense experiences as you, it only natural you would be! It probably also triggered a soft sore spot what he wrote having been accused often by family of being ‘a drama queen’, being told to simmer down a lot or just getting the death stare for expressing emotions or expressing too much enthusiasm.
Another blogger who identifies as having Bi Polar disorder faced a similar accusation from friend and loves ones, and she shared in that particular post that she actually accepted this part of herself now… I felt admiration for her in that.
Feeling deeply or intensely is not a crime (only to some who fear, judge, or misunderstand it) It may come with a creative sensibility and intense sensitivity. The dramatic highs and lows that attend bursts of creativity and spiritual connection where walls inside the self fall down may seem like a kind of ‘madness’ to those who aren’t wired this way. Coming in touch inside the self with angelic, divine and demonic forces, presences or voices may be similarly judged as ‘insane’ but never the less (often but not always) an integral part of suffering some kind of rupture or trauma to the holding environment in childhood, not being helped by parents to develop strong ego boundaries or having such anihilated or run over in abuse and boundary violation or by gaslighting in which ongoing attempts are made by someone to undermine your ‘reality’.
I feel blessed that I could hold court with my own inner voices over time..I was grateful to come across these resources to help :
Robert Johnson : this Jungian therapist works a lot with a process that goes by the name of active imagination. In this process you may find internal parts or aspects of your psyche appearing in images, as ‘sub-personalities’ or other forces of wisdom and insight that you can dialogue with or visualise interacting with your ego in such a way as to learn more about hidden dimensions of your self.
Robert Firestone : his book Combatting Destructive Thought Processes was one I came across in around 2000, at 7 years of sobriety. His work with inner voices that are destructive, death dealing or hyper critical shows a lot about how suicidal ideation can work in those of us with trauma, abuse history or low self esteem. His work with couples also shows how such voices can work to block intimacy and linkages between the souls of two people in relationship.
Donald Kalsched : his book The Inner World of Trauma is a brilliant resource for understanding how early failures in parenting can lodge within a person demonic energies or forces that block love.. He gives the name self care system to these forces which act in a similar way to the persecutor/protector dynamic in the psyche that I have explored in detail in other posts.
I just wanted to write this post today for those accused of being ‘too intense’ to validate that and also as a reminder that we can always learn more about the forces within us that contribute to us keeping ourselves isolated in a prison or blocked from self love and loving and accepting others across a broad spectrum of differing styles of feeling and expression in terms of what is necessary to that person’s spiritual and emotional individuality.
Emerging From The Dark Night 