Sometimes it helps just to voice out and articulate inner thoughts swirling around, at least for me, its a way of moving the energy in my body which gets complex after eating and writing and, perhaps connecting, with others and trying to show love to it all.
A moment ago I had the thought that my softness may be my achilles heel in many ways and if Venus is currently trining my Chiron in Pisces (as it will be over the next few weeks for many of us born during the 60) then that also touches the wounds of separation I felt, as Pisces longs for unity and Scorpio also to be deeply connected.. Scorpio though fears vulnerability and it is not lost on me that over the next week Venus will pass over my sister’s Saturn in Scorpio. Mum had Saturn in Scorpio too, and I have my Neptune there about 5 degrees off theirs..
Considering complex archetypal and psychological forces in family it is interesting to me that children carry on parental placement in degrees, my sister has Sun and Venus in Pisces at 1 and 5 degrees and Mum had Mars here (at 4 degrees). But Dad’s Mars in Sagittarius (at 5 degrees) squared my Mum’s and he often laughed off her storms, that came out of anxious abandonment stuff.. my sister picked up Dad’s Mars in Sag (at 4 degrees) and so Mars squares her Sun, just as Mercury and Gemini square her Moon in Virgo and Mum and Sue’s Mars clashed too and Mum did her best to pour a lot of cold water over all my sister’s separation ‘fire’ especially in later years.
It is interesting as last night in a dream I was visiting her at hospital and she was looking at me with big eyes while taking a cup of tea in fine bone china with her little finger extended but she had no airs and graces in the dream, just this refined softness so out of sync with the harder world. In the dream I was filled with compassion for her as I saw her plight.
In reality I have seen my sister’s personality morph with her hairstyle after she last came good in October 2019, she swept into Mars action for a six month period and got a lot done, she changed her hairstyle to one that resembled my older sister’s and then when she fell down again in depression in July she blamed me for the haircut because a while ago I told her her old one which was quite hard and black was like a ‘helmet’. When I heard that comment back a few months ago I was horrified at myself. It seemed a harsh thing to say and almost abusive.. Anyway she is now trying to get her hair back to the old style but it is interesting to me that Leo rules our ‘mane’ and my sister has Pluto at 23 Leo, my Uranus at 29 Leo sits on that and a while back we were at loggerheads when she admonished me for being ‘a naughty little girl always throwing tantrums’ this got an eye raise from my therapist as she said when kids tantrum they need something, something they were not getting, or they need to be helped to de-escalate via empathy and compassion.. I have a post on this to share after this by therapist Dr Karyl McBride who does a lot of work with daughters of narcissistic mothers.
My sister’s Leo (ndividuation) energy seems totally squashed again and both my parents born in the 1920s had Neptune in Leo.. that generation were born out of the trauma of World War One and rising Leonine power was strong when Pluto passed over that during the Second World War. When World War Two broke out Pluto was at 2 degrees of Leo. My Mum and Dad’s generation knew heaps of emotional neglect and abandonment.. It was the generation of ‘be seen not heard’, not getting ‘above yourself’ or sustaining ‘big ideas’ and as my ex husband used to say he felt his conditioning was often all about that but when he saw its influence on my own life he claimed I was guilty of ‘squashing him!!!’ Maybe I was so squashed too he had to leave to save his own life!! Leaving me all along in the family muck….
My sister’s energy has seemed ‘squashed’ for some time now. The Mars fighting impulse seems to have departed. I am not entirely sure what to make of the dream which had other aspects I wont go into here, but it spoke to something. I also know we are far more likely to feel down on ourselves when Venus aspects our Saturn. I get the Venus square to Saturn at around the same time my sis gets the conjunction, and as my therapist says, her going down so often seems to take me into a dark place, just this time I am not going to let that happen. I have to find a way to start not to be subsumed and to have my own happy reality outside of what ever is happening for my sister in her psychic entrapment.
I am doing this today by connecting with a friend who affirms me and is alive, not dead and who sees me.. At the moment my sister is so lost, her memory is erased, even of her traumas and this subject figured in a later part of the dream. Because I have been so deeply interconnected with my sis within the multi-generational system and family neglect its only natural big dreams would come with Venus now in the oceanic sign of Scorpio, ruled jointly by both Mars and Pluto passes over our dead Mum’s Sun Mercury Saturn conjunction in Scorpio.. Mum used that power to reign us both in at times and hit hid a shit load of her own narcissistic vulnerabiliites..
Collectively all of our Mars and Pluto signs and aspects will be activated right now. For my sister maybe her way to authentic power has been stolen into the Underworld. I just know I have to begin to start taking my own back. I am not powerless as I think I am, at least over my own life and its now becoming clear that the onus is upon me to make the life the happiest one I can outside of the old family system
Emerging From The Dark Night 