I just came to me that maybe all that is happening is for a reason, and that pain may need to be felt and not run from. I know its not rocket science but it struck me most powerfully reading back many insights on Ursula’s wonderful posts on narcissism the thing she said about narcs and a narc culture living in flight from pain and messiness. They also get terrified by emotions and that rang bells for me.. Since my feelings were not often welcome growing up I did come to be terrified of them and since so much underground anger was around in our home but never given a name I learned to fear that too and be bloody confused about things like boundaries, and healthy self expression and self assertion. What a mixed up emotional mess is a family so littered with underground attachment woundings and multi-generational emotional neglect fall out. And how can we expect its unrecovered members to be capable of true intimacy… As they so often say in Al Anon its like going to an empty well to find water. And yet some of us keep doing it.
I dont know why its taken me so long to learn the lesson. I only know I must.. There is nothing I can do to ‘fix’ this unfixable thing, I can only chose to live my own life.. The fact its taken me until the age of nearly 59 to get this is a bit of a shame but that maybe also not being self compassionate either. I did the best I could.
When I hand the earthly situation over in prayer and accept Gods or Universal will of imperfect perfection then I come back into alignment with soul purpose.. Things may hurt leading up to that which is a sign to take the pain to higher power and pray.. How often do I forget to do this? So often it is the answer…Inner guidance has answers for me the earthly world so often does not.. So its there I need to turn on the tough days while accepting as Scott so often tells me, everything happens for a reason.
Emerging From The Dark Night 