I first got connected to WordPress and blogging by finding the site of writer Ursula whose blog is called An Upturned Soul. Ursula posted one of my poems very kindly in December 2013 and then recommended I start my own blog.. I haven’t followed her in a while but I came across some old comments and some her posts today that I find invaluable on narcissism and how it can affect us as well as subtly be a part of our own take on things.. I thought these two comments of Ursula’s so helpful when re-reading so I am posting and sharing the blog links, below.
For me staying angry at my parents became necessary as a way to stop myself from doing the whole ‘forgiving and forgetting’ and letting myself get used again. It also pointed at areas I needed to investigate in how I related to myself and others. For a long time I was angry at myself for betraying myself when it came to others, especially my parents. Every time I talked myself into doing something I didn’t want to do, or into being a way which wasn’t authentic for me (bending myself out of shape to fit into someone else’s needs of me) it would end up with me being hurt, which added to my anger at myself. I was angry at myself for hurting myself, or allowing someone else to hurt me.
https://anupturnedsoul.wordpress.com/2016/01/31/the-lessons-we-learn-from-narcissists/
One of the things I have finally realised about being alone, especially as a child alone in a world which felt very hostile, is that once you work through the pain of it, still feeling that pain always – because it becomes a part of your identity – but not being controlled by it, it is a powerful gift because you are deeply self reliant and that is a foundation of personal power. I know you know this because you said it succinctly in one of your comments. And the thing about pain, the positive side of it, is that it connects us with others in an intimate way because we all feel it. It’s a strange and beautiful thing. The pain is part of life I think and part of that which binds all beings, humans, nature, the universe, together. To be free of pain in the way some people desire to be, separates us from life (which is something seen in those with NPD).
If you blame yourself for everything and do not assign any blame to anyone else, you end up victimising yourself, and this leaves you just as powerless as when you assign all of the blame to the other person. But. What if this particular dynamic is the wound itself?.
https://anupturnedsoul.wordpress.com/2013/06/27/a-story-of-chiron-in-the-7th-house/
Emerging From The Dark Night 