Two sides of the thing

At times I am so happy

I feel the spirit of life and love moving through me

At these times

It seems I taste a precious glimpse of freedom

From all that has been hurting me

And then there is a deadening that comes

Some way I almost set myself up

To fail

Trapped within a state of mind

I so badly need to leave behind

Then

When the grief comes down

It feels so heavy

And yet it is, also

Passing on through

Like a wild river

That longs for the ocean

Just so

My loving spirit longs for freedom

From all of this

The burden of ages

Ancestors trapped in cages

Of unreconciled longing

Pulling on me

Surely there is a way

To let this river

Of so much trauma

Carry me

To a place where finally

I can embrace the freedom

Of life lived

Outside all of this

Deep sense of failure

That so often

Only grinds my living spirit

Down to dust