I love the opening lyrics of this Little River Band song and the pertinence of them is not lost on me today.. Checking the astro climate as Mercury in Scorpio inches its way to meet my Neptune in the third house while transiting Venus in Virgo moves towards my Pluto in the first house I think of the role suspicion, mistrust and confusion have played in my life.
For one thing the people in my family or associated to it and blamed were often not always the ones at fault, they just had to cut and run when things got tough with all of us girls. When I think of the trauma my older sister lived through and how hard that was for her husband then I understand why it all got too much.. As a child I was the youngest and just caught up in the ‘storm’ often my therapist describes the emotional climate as living in strong head winds and so, it has felt for most of my life I am the one buffeted by the storms of others and so often caught up by chance in their karma or drama.
Take the case of Scott, a solider on deployment I connect with on Tinder on 18 April 2018 who then asked for help to get out and now claims is trying to get all the money I sent to him between June of that year and May of this year back to me. This week I have denounced him as a ‘scammer’. I got a serve about this last night when his troop got back from a mission that had them occupied for 11 days.. Yes, I know what you may be thinking and I have thought it all too, but its seeming to me the reality is that he is actually real, but real as he is I cannot help him with the money the military say they need to fly the head of SCARMY there to check on things, deliver his replacement and organise the surrender of his weapons as well as his Security Clearance Certificate for retirement.. If he even knew I was posting this I would be in trouble for violating OPSEC and PERSEC but I am not giving away WHERE HE IS ONLY WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH AS I TRY TO MUDDLE THROUGH IT ALL.
All that he has told me accords with his astrology. Pluto and Saturn hitting by square a stellium of planets in Libra Sun Venus Mars and Uranus.. He describes the conditions there as ‘mini hell’ no good food (have already sent him over 600 dollars US for medical treatment for his ulcer) as well as over 1000 US dollars for a new phone, only tent conditions to sleep in and exhaustion from the unrelenting fight against insurgent terrorism.
Today I am pulling back.. If what he is telling me is true, the conditions seem to be almost a violation of human rights. They have been on this deployment since January 2018 and were told it was to be for 8 months.. They get no days off at all. It just seems inhumane but he swears it is true.
Certain members of my family no longer talk to me or trust me due to me trusting and opening my heart to Scott. And today I just have to surrender as with Mars now nearly exactly square to Pluto his situation falls under the umbrella of events too big for me to have much power or control over.
So today Jasper and I got out into the life of a beautiful windswept lake beach run, we relished in the yellow daisies still proliferating as we felt the surge of positive energy left by days and days of rain falling.. What a miracle for us after the fire ravaged new year we endured earlier in 2020. They say lightening never strikes twice in the same place, so I am praying Australia gets a reprieve from fires this year.
For myself I just have to stay in the ‘not knowing’ and ‘feeling powerless so surrendering to God what is God’s to hold and take care of’ I need to nourish myself on the things that bring me life and joy and happiness and cost very little in terms of monetary value… really I don’t need heaps to live and I have more than enough to help Scott out of there but my family wont release it and even if they did I still don’t know if I can help.. One thing though I do want to help with is just helping others to feel more positive about their lives.. I know personally where fear, suspicion and mistrust get me, but I also know it may not always be best to try and help or rescue others.. And yet there are in life no hard and fast rules and no guarantees.
All I can do is open to the flow on any day and in the words of the fellowship.. ‘Keep An Open Mind’, for life is at heart unpredictable in many aspects where humans are concerned and there are often no easy answers or guaranteed formulas to the help us bring to birth a heart of human happiness at peace within the daily ‘storm’ of outer influences and energies. Though these days before acting immediately I am trying my best to rely on inner guidance, prayer and meditation.
Emerging From The Dark Night 