Have been wrestling with enormous feelings of frustration sadness and powerlessness today, praying extra hard about how to find my power in a situation where forces seem to be conspiring to steal it or with hold what is rightfully mine.
Its a push to get out but Im better for it. I get a bit entrapped if I stay inside in my head and we’ve had 4 days of torrential rain. On one level that is good, it’s forced me to rest inside but today with all the money worry I went out of my head. I just need to keep reminding myself I am safe today. I do have money to eat and if I need to put my house up for sale ill have to do it early next year. I don’t want to move but I’m sick of being beholden to men in charge of money Mum rightfully left me…its in their interest not to help at all and keep lining their own pockets I guess.. that is what hurts most plus being made offers of promises of helping that were lies. This is all the stuff I’m powerless over (and have been feeling rage over) so I have to find a way around it into positive action.
Just needed to externalise today. Am down by the lake at the moment and we are receiving precious glimpses of sun amidst the dark gray..I need to remember light is still there and even if earlier there seemed no.point to being alive there is. Today has just been a relentlessly tough one to start.
Emerging From The Dark Night 