There is a spring feeling in the air today, the wind was whipping up the water as Jasper and I walked buffeted about by the breeze earlier on ouw walk by the lake and immediately the words : “its the equinoctical winds Brander” came into my mind.. We are a few days out from the spring equinox here and years ago Mum told me this is what a close friend of her own Mum’s used to say to her or Nana (their surname was Brander.) at this time of year.
It was magically beautiful awake and alive down by the lake today.. yellow spring daisies lay in swathes as we walked and I prayed to God today a prayer of gratitude for my life. I am also currently reading spiritual medium James Van Praagh’s book Watching Over Us : What the Spirits Can Teach Us About Life and its an amazing read.. It shows how things parents could not deal with get passed on, how hurt over abuse never spoken of can continue to hurt the sufferer and bind them to terrible relationships due to the inability to completely understand and forgive the perpetrator who was themselves abused. In one chapter he tells the story of a woman abused by her Uncle who never forgave him. the spirit comes to James seeking her forgiveness and tells him he actually committed suicide by car accident when the family thought he had actually had an accident, it was not possible for him to live with the guilt. This is not to excuse abuse but the fact is Praague picked up blockages in the woman’s chakras that all related to the issue…
I shared this chapter in therapy yesterday crying as it rang so true to me.. I have had my parents come to me in later years asking for forgiveness for certain things, I have also had great great grandparents tell me of their suffering.. I now no longer consider myself a little crazy or mad for having these experiences and thoughts and the whole thing just makes me realise how deeply interconnected we all are and how often judgement as well as an incomplete perception of things can stymie and block us in life.
In one particular poignant chapter on love and fear James shows how a father’s anxiety and fear is passed down to a daughter who now struggles…he also shows how a man’s failure to accept the death of his beloved wife and let go almost blocks him from moving on to experience new love in this wife and how the dead wife’s spirit is guiding him to the next relationship.
How often do we fight the necessary experiences of our life?. How often do we take the victim stance? How often do we remain mired in old emotions, holding patterns or grievances we need to process and let go? Yes, often we were victims of another’s wounds and blind spots, but what happened to the perpetrators? On that subject I would like to close with a link to the following article on narcissism as well as a few more questions and contemplations that come to mind.
How often does our labelling of someone in this way block a deeper understanding of the hidden roots of their vulnerability covered over by ‘bad’ behavior? How often do we paint ourselves as the ‘victim’ when maybe someone was sent into our lives to wake us up on some level? I am understanding even my struggles with my living sister better now.. At one point she was trying to get me to move on and I could not because neither could she or my mother acknowledge my grief struggling as they did with their own. However it was I who turned back seeking their help and to be connected so we could process some of it as a family… In the past few years since Mum’s death we both got involved in getting a memorial done to honor both my dad and my Mum and have them put together. In our family unresolved or unacknowledged grief over a parental loss has been huge and carried on at least 4 generations..
God knows life is complex but synchroncities abound in life.. I am still opening up in many ways to the myriad synchroncities in my own life as well as along the ancestral line, as well as to seeing where at times I blocked my own forward movement due to a failure in being able to achieve a resolution, deeper understanding and moving on in life.. I am also seeing how energies of others I attracted into my life at certain points spoke volumes about what desires or needs unfulfilled lay in my own shadow and how sometimes it was necessary to cut free in order to finally move on, while at others it was most essential to bind back again in order to understand deeper patterns playing out. And the times I feel most healed and whole are when the breakthroughs into love and a more complete understanding open up for me, as I see the error of past ways of perceiving the situation.
Emerging From The Dark Night 