I loved our cliff walk today, we park in a spot away from most humans and walk the winding path to a patch of land that would be just perfect for a full moon dance by firelight, except it was daylight, I had my phone with me so it was fun to dance and feel the spirit move, I love moments like this, music connects me to a place of freedom and often takes me back to younger times when I was on the brink of so much.
We got back to the car and listened to more music, sinking in and it was then I thought that so called ‘dissociation’ is not all bad. Zoning out into a space of joy where your soul can be complete provides a respite from the human world so often geared along more restrictive lines.. I feel grateful to the poets, artists and dreamers who use their imagination and so grateful to be part of a family here on this site which feeds that side of being and life.
Today I got a little further into Henri Nouwen’s book on the beloved.. he was speaking of how important it is to affirm that we are unique and special as well as chosen and beloved even in a family of other humans with whom we do share so much. He speaks of how the outside world so often fails to value who we are, often indeed diminishes it.. And he speaks of the need to surround ourselves with those who see the beauty in us and accept us deeply for who we are. That is unconditional love really, and how many of us were raised with it surrounding us.. Too often it felt for me like i had to cut parts of myself out that were not suitable and I am grateful for friends who love and care for me and cherish the good in me, even at those times when I cannot.
I am so glad I could move today.. the accident trauma got evoked big time yesterday with the tire blow out that happened after I didn’t take corner wide enough. I was crying tears of gratitude before I got off to sleep last night as I realised I am NO LONGER TRAPPED IN THAT CAR. Yesterday I also felt my parents love from spirit surrounding me and Scott was there to talk to via messenger at the right time… so I am grateful for that too. I see how much I have grown in that I was able to deal with the emergency and even get my car booked in early next week. I no longer feel as much like that helpless, lost little child and yet at times my inner soul child is closer to me than ever before. I see the light in her and cry tears of gratitude for the gift of myself… that may sound strange but I know I come from the light.. I ended up living so many years trapped in darkness, held captive by other’s false assessments.. and it took strength to reach for my path.. at times I get a bit pulled off it but lately it isnt taking too long before I find my way to steer myself back and when things get tough or lonely I can take comfort in the imaginal and spiritual realms which at times feel so very very real to me. And truly I no longer see anything dysfunctional in that, for many of us need an open loving connection with the transcendent, as we also take the necessary steps to front up in life discovering the ongoing blessings that come about with finding and expressing our authentic being.
Emerging From The Dark Night 