At night sometimes I draw closer to the spiritual world.. here within the silence, quiet and darkness feelings become stronger and my linkages to my loved ones more powerful. I think of the web of family I grew up within and of how it broke and of my struggle to be related while holding onto myself and allowing myself to be an individual as well.
Tonight my sister is strongly on my mind.. I think of the agony happening in her mind and of how everything turned around for her over a short period.. she was getting close to someone she hoped to meet and that must have sparked some anxiety and she ran away in fear.. It was hard to hear her today questioning recent choices such as having her hair cut into a new style that strangely made her resemble my older sister who passed over about 6 years ago.. That felt a little weird to me thinking about it over the past 4 hours.. I at times saw aspects of both my Mum and my sister in my living sister.. Almost as if parts of their spirit had passed into her since their death.
Despite the pain my sister is obviously in and my very real fears for her over the shock treatment I don’t feel the darkness pulling on me as strongly tonight. It may be a little different when I lay my head down to rest soon.. I feel more determined to be there while everyone else tells me to pull back. I am not wanting to do that any more. It is not contagious what she is going through, I am at the point in my recovery where I can carry the light and through taking action show her SHE IS NOT AS POWERLESS AS SHE FEELS.. It feels like the devil is telling her a lot of lies inside her own mind at the moment and I am not into the idea of Satan but negative thought forms are a kind of evil that only want us to be anti life.. its something we spoke about a bit today.. Because Mum had a way of quashing us and putting us to death at times in some elements of our being.
I also see that she is very far from “the worst I have ever been.” She has been taking action on things and is more than capable of conversing and even laughing at times.. at this point she needs a lot of love around her.. While I am under no illusions I can ‘fix’ anything I have NOTHING AT ALL TO LOSE BY BEING THERE.. I saw very clearly today how much I pull back at times when that is not necessarily always the best thing.. I will also be pulling on the power of prayer very strongly over the next few weeks.. People who are in a weak space need others to show up for them, Yes, in the end only they have the power over their own thoughts but support and validation and encouragement at times is most needed when those we love are engaged in a battle with inner monsters. As long as I am alive I will not give up on her and as long as she needs me I will always be there for her.
Emerging From The Dark Night 