Therapist Pete Walker has written extensively about the 4 F responses to childhood developmental trauma. I recommend highly his book Complex PTSD : From Surviving To Thriving. Sadly I do not refer to his book enough, though I have shared information from it before.. For those who do not know the four F responses to trauma are : flight, fight, fawn and freeze. It is to be noted that two types of responses may dominate us depending on how our needs and feelings and wishes as well as reactions to such were treated in childhood.
I relate a lot to the fawn/freeze subtype and according to Walker such a style makes us vulnerable to seduction by narcissists and more powerful types (such as the fight type). The person who learned to fawn in childhood learned they could not get their needs met and they would be further punished, hurt or shamed for protesting about it. As a result we learn to deny our own needs, gear ourselves around others and become passive.. We are also likely to attract more powerful ‘fight’ types who know what to do to manipulate us.
In addition the freeze response is part of having been terrorised in childhood by a parent who evoked fear or who could not handle our self assertion. Those with this type learn to isolate, or give up on relationships which are seen as dangerous. They learn not to fight their corner and withdraw from threat. Dissociating is a large part of the freeze response leading to a preoccupation with fantasy, daydreaming, TV viewing and internet addiction.
I am sharing an excerpt below taken from Pete Walkers book in the hope it may be of help to others… I got a lot from reading it today. Quotes from his book below appear in italics.
When the fawn freeze type is not able to escape the scapegoat role in childhood, she is then set up to be similarly victimised in childhood. In worst case scenarios fawn/freezes are easily recognised by fight types who take them captive. They may turn them into doormats and subject them to domestic violence. Sometimes, the fawn/freeze does not even recognise she is being abused. Other times she blames herself (as she had to do in childhood.)
Moreove, many narcissistic abusers know when and how to shower romantic tidbits on their victims just when they are at the point of leaving. These narcissists are often the charming bullies described in the last chapter (see Pete Walker’s book). Their infrequent tidbits have more warmth in them than anything the codependent received at home, so she quickly becomes rehooked and just as quickly the cycle of abuse begins again.
(however the copious tidbits of the charming bully)… peter our to near starvation rations once the entrapment is complete.
Often fawn freeze types were forced so thoroughly to abandon their protective instincts that they become trapped in learned helplessness.
End of quote
Walker goes on to explain that men too can learn to fawn or freeze siting the case of a client with a borderline mother who would hit him in the face while requiring him to keep his hands down. He than had to apologise for ‘making’ his mother so upset that she HAD to hit him.
In another part of the book he explains it this way
Many fawns survived by constantly focusing their awareness on their parents to figure out what was needed to appease them. Some became almost psychic in their ability to read their parents moods and expectations. This then helped them to figure out the best responses to neutralize parental danger.
According to Walker fawn freeze types can recover as we learn to understand how childhood abuse set us up for current abuse. He says:
This is often difficult, because scapegoated fawn-freeze types were often punished extra intensely for complaining. Numerous times I have heard DV victims say: “But I don’t want to act like a victim.” Usually I then try to help them see how much they truly were victims in childhood. However I if I can not get them to see this they usually are not able to rescue themselves from their current victimisation.
The fawn-freeze type is also likely to turn themselves into a martyr caretaker for others.. trying in this way to escape the pain of their self abandonment by casting themselves in a ‘selfless’ role of helper, soother, fixer or enabler (and it is to be noted that religious upbringing many of us were subjected to aids in perpetrating this mythology.)
According to Walker the fawn freeze type is also most likely to develop conditions like OCD or end up projecting demands for perfectionism on to others by becoming an advisor. In time with recovery we can learn to change these patterns and become more aware of how we may be using them to escape self responsibility.. In time we can learn to provide empathy but not try to ‘fix’, we can free ourselves and others to be imperfect and we can also learn to stop assuming burdens we were set up for in childhood by absent, shaming, repressive, emotionally out of touch caregivers. According to Walker and my own experience grieving is an essential part of this process… we grieve our inability to use anger self protectively, as well as the deep pain of having had to live for years with such a diminished and impoverished sense of self which often just served to set us up for more of the same.
Related
Emerging From The Dark Night 
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