This thought came to me tonight after crying a lot with longing and reading a novel in which a daughter struggles to let go of an old hurt at the hands of her father, even as he lies dying.. In the novel her partner reminds her of the acts of love her Dad shows despite what happened which he tried to amend and was sorry for.. It got me to thinking how much harder we can make things by demanding they or other people be perfect, or at least not cock up or make mistakes…
There is a saying in AA which relates to acceptance “we accept life on life’s terms”, this means we do not demand life fit to our version of ‘should’ and that we do the work to adjust when it isn’t, praying for and digging deep to change the things we can while handing the rest over.
I keep thinking lately of how it can be easy to see the worm in the apple a lot of the time. This is an issue brought up in a book on attachment styles which explores how those with avoidance attachment due to past wounds or let downs often look at what is ‘bad’ in a relationship not always equally weighing or weighting it against was is working or helpful. In fact a term that may be more helpful to use with regards to living in non existant ‘perfect’ universe instead of ‘bad’ and ‘good’ is ‘skillful’ and ‘unskillful’ means of acting and reacting.. Fighting against realities that exist as part of life just being chaotic, messy and random at times is a huge waste of energy and is more likely to lead to an increase in disorder of panic and anxiety.
Emerging From The Dark Night 