Unhealed? Some reflections on our wounds and scars.

Things and feelings are quite raw with me today.. I have not been able to post the last two videos I made, I ended up running up over 100 dollars in charges in excess data fees from trying to upload them and its no wonder the mobile provider cut off my service on Friday, they were only trying to protect me.. Aside from that the catch up with friends last week has stirred up all the hurt from my past, and the anniversary of Jonathan leaving is still raw with me.. I feel all a little scalded inside. Contact with Scott has stopped and he was to be coming home on the weekend and this leads me to believe I was once again pulled back into a scam after battling so hard to extricate myself last October, sometimes I find life so tough… but I know as much pain and disappointment I feel I must try to keep moving forward and remain positive and continue to acknowledge how far I have come.

Add to this a friend called today who is trying to divorce his wife but is being treated really badly over the split on a financial level, I do not believe that someone who shared their life with such a kind individual could be so mercenary and cruel as she is being and today when the subject of compassion came up he said that he cant have compassion for an arsehole, that he should have walked away years ago… this hit a raw nerve because I made me realise at times I am too compassionate.. I don’t set that boundary, I give it over to the mean person or the person pulling on me and I had a dream last night where a man was hurting me by invading my body and he would not stop as hard as I fought to push him off.. I woke up with my heart pounding and it was hard to breathe….this all ties in with my Venus Sun square to Neptune and transiting Venus has been sitting on 5 degrees of Gemini for over a week now in exact square to natal Chiron in the seventh house..

Hearing the programme on black deaths in custody took me back down… At times there seems to be so much in the world that is dark, toxic, unclear and deeply unhealed.. While eating lunch out yesterday and after posting my poem Scars on the Heart WP linked me to a post on scars and unhealed wounds inside individuals.. It was saying that our scars and wounds always remain and contribute to who we become and much of who we become also rests on how we react to those wounds and scars as well as how kind we can be to others who are wounded or scarred..

The truth is that tine does not always heal all wounds….often the wounds remain..and they may replay and draw us into all kinds of painful situations.. longing for a parent’s unavailable love being a huge one.. Some of us may get help from others, a kind of soothing and its important for our overall level of resilience to know that we can talk to ourselves in a loving and kind ways when we feel the wounds ark up..

How well we manage our wounds and scars or ‘pain body’ as Eckhart Tolle has named it or emotional, physical and spiritual set backs may determine our overall level of wellbeing in life.. We all tell ourselves stories about our traumas and the capacity to reframe them in a life enhancing ways will determine the degree to which we can thrive later in life or alternatively fall by the wayside into the sloughs of despond, or ‘relentless quicksand’ of depression as my blogger buddy Alex likes to call it.