This is the second of two v logs I made today. I wanted to share about the elderly couple we just encountered on our walk and how it triggered an understanding of how fractured our family is.. They were minding their daughter’s dog that had been attacked a while back, they take the dog during the week so it isn’t ever alone and dogs need to be with others, they can be left for short times but leaving dogs alone for a long time is problematic. As Jasper and their dog played off lead they spoke to me all about the attack and how their dog seemed to be dead after it but he was in freeze.
Thinking about it though the encounter probably just triggered how I was ALWAYS LEFT ALONE and so had to internalise a lot and did not feel safe or easy in connecting or relating emotionally.. I am glad that I got to develop my mind in this situation but sometimes over thinking can hold me back too.
Anyway this family is all still connected unlike mine.. I think of how much my parents own disconnection from family members transferred down and of the hard work I have been doing to come to terms with this… I also think of how long I got trapped in a ‘freeze’ state after the second accident when I took myself away from love and family two times… I am not trapped in it as much as I used to be.. But its been huge work coming to terms with all the layers…
I would have loved a relationship with my grand parents but I just didn’t have it and neither did either of my parents.
Emerging From The Dark Night 