Grief is just welling up this afternoon. Don’t want to say too much about it.. experimented with a couple of poems but nothing much is flowing.. I had the thought to just ‘be’ with things and let them pass, while watching where the thoughts are taking me.
Maybe I looked outside myself for something that can only come from within.. that is what is occurring to me and that the situation of trying to connect and share my life with someone may not be meant to be which is why hurdles keep appearing.. I wont keep thinking about it.. .Writing just helps me to solidify things.. its an emptying out time over the next few days.. maybe just a time to ‘let be’, ‘go gently’ and rest.
I got a beautiful book out of the library yesterday called The Dharma of Dogs reading one of the stories today make me laugh out loud.. it was told from the perspective of the dog and what he came to teach his master who was at the time of getting him as a gift, broken hearted and living in his head very ungrounded from life and removed from his inner child…the dog told the tale of all he had to do to get his owner to live in the moment… Being in the moment in an open hearted way seems to be where its at right now.. I want to diss the critical parent and joy killer this afternoon. Constant doubt, negatively focused or catastrophe thinking second guessing and fear are just mental ‘white noise’. That is the message I am getting loud and clear this afternoon.
Emerging From The Dark Night 