As brave as I sound at times I often succumb to the pressure others put on me.. It can be hard to hold my ground and feel safe and then not feel I am being obstreperous or mean. Then the anger comes and the resentment that I allowed it to happen when the other person was not holding or handling their own feelings.. today it reminds me of having to be very careful around Mum and of Dad forcing me into things I hated… But now is not then.. and maybe its all a lesson in learning with Venus retrograde right now and in only 9 days ready to station direct.
Astrologer Erin Sullivan associated the direct movement of Venus after the station to move direct again with the return of the warrior Goddess and this was a time in older cultures, such as the Babylonian that wars may have been waged. The entire 6 weeks of Venus moving backward is a time of review and I have been seeing evidence of it in some of what is being written about here on WordPress. Old lovers can return.. We feel the grief from past relationships and unresolved wounds can emerge.. I read a very beautiful poem about this yesterday that I will try to link to later… so much goes past me on WordPress that I do not always remember which blog it is ….
For myself I am noticing how empathy draws me towards others (Venus squares Neptune for me and Neptune trines Chiron in Pisces) and because I open very easily I make a connection.. I got a download of fury from Scott over the weekend for opening myself to someone on Facebook he thought the person was lying and the person claimed Scott was lying which made Scott even madder.. I was told I had to block that person which I tried to do but then he popped up again and now I feel if Scott finds out I am going to be in trouble (reading this back I sound about 2 or 3). I hate this.. I hate people putting conditions on me but I also do open up too soon to people possibly, I feel I must be totally honest and not hold things back but its got me in trouble a lot of times…
I can have compassion for the sensitivities that make people act like this. I had to pray extra hard to the angels for guidance in past days and last night I went down to the lake and knelt on the ground praying at about 10 pm… I had to seek refuge in nature as the onslaught of anger coming towards me was so intense.. Today they gave me some readings as guidance… but I also woke in fury that I was treated this way.. I didn’t set out to hurt anyone only to be loving…and then I was punished…
Mercury also stations to move backwards in two days and this is intensified as it is approaching and opposition with transiting Pluto at 24 Capricorn.. its in a very wide orb at present 10 degrees away but Cancer does relate to the inner child as well as lunar emotions that then affect thinking, people are not going to be as rational under this influence and we are moving into the dark of the moon prior to the Solar Eclipse at 00 Cancer soon so there can be a blinding going on.. Yesterday I listened to this video on that Eclipse which I found helpful…
From this reading it seems that its a time to be protective, introspective and aware of our emotional reality… I am not expert on astrology but I know that over the past day or so my feelings have been very intense emotionally and reacting from an intensive space is not always wonderful if we cannot contain the energies.. its a time to be careful and introspective and that is what occurs during Mercury retrograde anyway. Dreams may be very powerful.. the other night I dreamed Jasper was being attacked by a Kelpie and I had to pull him off… that seemed to ring true on an emotional/boundary level.
Sarah talks in this video of becoming emotionally real in ourselves, related to our true selves and open to what our inner selves wish and feel. She also talks of forgiving ourselves, connecting with others, sitting in the mystery as well as remembering to focus on softness, kindness and empathy as well as honesty….
This is what I had to struggle to bear in mind this morning when I started to feel angry over being controlled, that the fear in Scott was coming from some unhealed wound that was very deep. He has been betrayed in the past so I understand how he felt fearful over me connecting with someone… It just hurt me not to be trusted and judged, but maybe I need to take it less personally and exercise compassion so I can be more open to what is really going on underneath the anger. In time when we finally meet these issues will need to be worked out, for now I must try my best to remain in a stable place inwardly not let my past anger get the better of me this is all possibly yet more learning about what healthy boundaries are in an a relationship. The Solar Eclipse quincunxs Saturn in Aquarius and Saturn has to do with be adult, responsible, mature and well boundaries. This is an adjustment aspect that demands of us personally and collectively some deep internal shifts.
Emerging From The Dark Night 