I’m noticing each day lately I wake up in a different place with different feelings and thoughts running round. I keep reaching for life even when outcomes are dubious or unsure and sometimes I take hasty actions on impulse or deep feelings I later prove to regret. Today I just figured I need to accept all of this and stay happy and positive and open to the lessons.
My heart feels light today even though the sun isn’t out at 11.30 am. I am presently working up the courage to take a walk in the bush with Jasper in the cold by the lake..stopped to get my morning coffee and there isn’t a soul around us right now in the car park by the bush.
I keep thinking life is one way then finding it’s another. Nothing seems set in stone. Anger surges over family things fire up then die down..I got to shout about it all in therapy yesterday my sis and I are being thwarted by my brother right now..like he has his boot on our chest and we can’t rise up but that is only if I take this withheld money situation on board. Im not totally stuck I could and always sell my house and rent.
Today im pissed off at the amount I’ve sent to help Scott I can’t change it part of me wants to.pull the pin completely. Add to this yesterday a follower with intense rage over past trauma told me via messenger George Floyd was a violent criminal and addict and everyone are idiots for making him into a hero martyr..Is that what is happening? Itsnot how I see it but there you go..Does violence justify more violence? I am sure the situation is more complex than we know.
One thing I know is we as humans do project..We mythologise as we struggle to make sense of life amidst massive archetypal forces. And we make choices in terms of meaning and forgiveness. I just know if I go on nurturing my pain body and justifying anger, retribution or vengeance it doesn’t free my soul from pain. Today I d rather be free to breathe to be honest. Rage held onto and not channelled effectively is corrosive
Emerging From The Dark Night 