I had my first in room session with Katina in about 10 weeks this morning and then went into town.. Though it was good to be face to face with Katina again I did miss my in car/by the lake/ in contact with nature Bluetooth phone sessions.. and she has said that I have a choice in future as to what suits me best..
Going into town was more of a shock. All the commercialism is up and running again people were walking around with arms full of shopping bags and it felt very empty to me, I actually even browsed in a few shops before calling it quits after lunch to come home and Jasper ran up the street, this morning we were warmly connected flesh to fur and my body was relaxed..
I think so much of modern civilisation can be so empty to be honest… There are not a lot of community places in this town where people gather… I am feeling more comfortable in the garden, pottering about the house and being close to nature.. In therapy I even went into guidance meditation several times, I wish I could have caught some of the things that were coming through about the level to which we are all interconnected by it all faded away after I went into town.. I read my poem in which I am working to forgive and let by gones be by gones in therapy and cried a lot reading it, forgiveness softens and opens my heart.. I just want happiness and peace in these later years… I see the position I occupied in the family as the youngest and spiritual witness, and feel the closeness to the ancestral journey… I see how it all played out..
I have made a home for myself here in my home town now and I don’t really want to move back to the UK but last week there were floods and floods of memories as it coming up surrounding the time I chose to come back in 2001 and we have an eclipse in four days time (and it was an eclipse in Cancer at I believe around 21 degrees). The guidance I received today is that everything in interconnected, all things move in a cycle, those who are part of your soul journey always are whether or not you are connected in 3D and who knows who is thinking about you at this very moment…I just feel love for everyone in my past now.. I just feel peace about even the painful things, I have been able to grieve them and let them go.
I feel closest in that Shamanic place and Katina mentioned today how children of Shamans in older cultures often suffered in young life and had to learn to live between the two worlds, the Underworld of psychic ghosts and shadows (especially of the ancestors) and the Upperworld daily activities of the present..lately I often feel the pull of nostalgia and the past and I know in some way its tied up with my ancestral heritage.. I also feel that closeness to earth as both a mother and container of my soul that indigenous people’s feel. Was outraged with a lot of other Australians last week to learn that mining company Rio Tinto exploded some sacred traditional lands of the indigenous peoples, thinking nothing of it.. The magical cultures implicitly knew their bodies to be part of the body of the Universe and natural world, the splitting off of that came in the heroic age and from the middle ages onwards we exiled ourselves from nature and undervalued those darker peoples who live close to the primal heartbeat of life.
The horrific treatment of African Americans and other indigenous peoples absolutely appals me lately and its no wonder riots are happening, if only a healthy protest was allowed but I know this fury has been brewing for hundreds of years and suppressing it now is not the best way. I don’t know what the answer is… but how can their be healing or forgiveness until the travesty is acknowledged? It all comes out of ignorance, pure and simple and inadequate channels for centuries of grief.
I am grateful to be back cosy at home at the moment, it is over cast and stormy today and the first day of winter (though I know the winter solistice on the 21st is the true anchoring in of the energy)… I don’t want to be spending too much time in the cathedrals of materialism, the centre closer to me is an older one and that is where I usually go to get groceries, a cup of coffee, browse in the bookshop or buy other things.. yesterday I did a lot of work in the garden and I feel most at home either there or by the lake in the company of magpies, seagulls, cormorants or swans…..that is where my soul feels most connected and the gift of Covid was a blessing in many ways… but it seems we are collectively going to go back to our old ways again…..
I am looking for ways to build more of a sense of community around where I live.. to reach out to the elderly and others… that is where it is at for me.. I need this connection to my soul, without it life becomes barren and empty and very much a thing just lived on a hollow surface. The Covid crisis has brought some really positive and loving connections into my life and I am so very grateful for these.
Emerging From The Dark Night 