I went asleep and woke to a terrible darkness today. Last night my nephew shared more about my sister’s psychotic episodes and travels into the dark heart of religion, of how she burned some of his Star Wars toys and called him the Son of Satan.. He also shared with me the abuse of girls that was going on at the hands of the Christian brothers in Queensland and that he tried to tell his father and step mother the truth and no one would listen. One of the brothers made all of the boys stand in line and take out their penises and then he went along with a cane and whipped each boy’s penis…while threatening to send copies of Penthouse magazines to their parents saying he found them on them, if any of them dared to tell.. Cudos to my nephew he stood up to one of the brothers and told him if he hit him with the cane he would be hit, so the brother told him he had to leave the school… My sister was also feeding alcohol to my nephew at a very young age.
This all made me feel so sad and sick last night and it took ages for me to get going this morning.. I feel unfair writing what I did about my brother in a blog yesterday that he made the decision it was better for her to die, the truth is there was a terrible darkness around my older sister and yet I idolised her as a young child does, so much that I excused the darkness. I realise now that my take on things is not always right.. I just wish my older sister could have made a safe life outside of all of our family striving…but she did not and now I have a nephew who is struggling with dark memories and the only person he feels he can talk to is me…its a huge burden in some ways to have to contain all of this pain over the abuse and things were then starting to unravel for me a moment ago as I saw how I had so many chances to escape far away from all of this but I could not..I know its not healthy for me to contain all of this.. I know I cannot fix it. I had to put my walk with my friend off this morning due to all of the outfall of this on my body this morning. I was so spun around..I cannot take on all this darkness. I just want my peace and happiness.. None of this happened to me but as an empath and deeply feeling sensitive person it hurts to hear it.. Today I felt his blackness go into me as well as all of that blackness from the religious abuse.. Its a dark history I feel can be so contaminating that people who suffer never break entirely free of it.. Last night all I could do was pray extra hard to my angels for help to bear it and release it.. its just so so darn sad, tragic and heavy.
Emerging From The Dark Night 