My personal feeling is that people out there often appreciate it when you express your truth and raw, honest feelings.. a lot of the time we are taught to hide these or pretend we feel differently, we are told to ‘take life on the chin’ and cope with whatever life throws our way. Don’t get me wrong, in order to thrive we often have to adapt to harsh realities, to things we don’t like but that does not mean that we cannot have our feelings about what happens and that our hearts don’t ache when we witness certain things going down in life.
I try not to watch heaps of news on the Corona Virus, but last night they showed a poignant image of a woman weeping close to where a hospital and morgue will be soon be set up for the dead bodies of victims…. in the commentary they spoke of how there was no one able or allowed to hug or comfort the woman…the next image showed grandchildren visiting their grandmother who was in another room separated by a pane of glass.. Wow did that image speak to me in such a profoundly sad way.
On one level I can see the wisdom and advantage of the global slow down we are being forced to endure in terms of a decrease in activity that may cause pollution and hopefully may lead to a reduction in useless running around to stay distracted as well as a growing recognition of how important emotiinal connectiin is. Also there is comfort in the fact that now families have time to spend together doing the simple normal things without all the pressures of work. On my walks lately I have noticed far more families out and about playing with their kids with scooters, bikes or kites or doing other togetherness activities…
I also think there is something far deeper going on here when I look to the astrology and consider that when Pluto was in the opposing sign of Cancer those born with that placement gave birth to the families and lives which began to fracture as a result of the Second World War.. those born with Pluto in Cancer lived through much tougher Plutonian times than these we are experiencing and there was a wave coming out of the aftermath of war in the late 1940s to early 1950s and 60s of mass migration away from the people’s countries of origin…..and an attempt by survivors of both depression and two world wars to make it materially in a way which would no longer keep their families vulnerable.
The thought that occurred to me was this… what if, along the way none of the feelings driving that push of materialism and individualism were actually experienced and released and we set this up as a kind of ideal of material.prosperity to strive for, an ideal which hid at the cemtre a hollow emotional or relational core. Unresolved feelings are iften just passed on to the family epigenetically as well as survival stress. And now are we in fact seeing a breaking down of ways of living and relating from the purely material and external or narcissistic plan deconstructing as nature and the threat of death give us a giant wake up call? This is just an insight I have been having over the past few days.
I ended up having a really powerful random conversation with a woman I met yesterday about her own mothering background, which is turns out, was entirely identical to my own.. Her own mother suffered from extreme anxiety and fear and pushed her kids to be perfect and keep everything functioning perfectly.. There was an OCD aspect to this woman’s young life and in the course of her life she had to confront this anxiety and suffered from a severe illness. Now she was sharing that it is actually her daughter who is carrying a lot of this anxiety and fear and she said she had, in exploring a lot of the science around it come to see how contagious fear actually is… So if we are around anxious, fearful people, we are just going to end up absorbing that if we don’t take steps to understand what is being passed down.
I think of the anxieties my own mother carried and how her often admired external appearance and material accomplishments hid a ravaged core in many ways of emotional neglect and lack of positive mothering and fathering and see how that wound got carried by all of us in some way.. My father, similarly had to escape his homeland at a time of collective fear, hardship and terror. I think of how hard my father worked and of his painful sudden end at the hands of cancer….
So if now, the distance and pain wound I feel in my own life resonates as it does in other lives maybe this is important. And maybe a confrontation with death and restrictions of blessings we took for granted may be teaching us the value of them.
Nature is still in its pristine balanced state here today in my home town. At the fruit and veggie market people are still circulating while keeping the required distance between them. I still feel sad today despite these gifts. I was reduced to tears last night after many friends teached ot to me on Facebook after I found the courage to say I was struggling and post one of my latest poems. That kindness touched me so deeply it hit a raw wound in me and made me realise that often feelings arent facts in that while feeling alone or unloved the truth is that love really is there when we reach out for it. Its close to my older sisters death anniversary today i always feel her as the cold nights set in and autumn leaves turn and think of how her pushing herself so hard led to her demise and deconstruction. My nephew called last night and I shared how I saw our families journey into deep trauma as reflective of the wider collective in some way. My own life fractured at 17 as I carried Mum and Dad’s unconscious. It never fully repaired. I had ongoing traumas from age 17 to 49. I share about my struggles and know I am not alone. Collectively we are going through a massive shift. Its time to reach inward to find what has true value as we come face to face with the god of death rebirth and transformation..as we do lets bear in mind the phoenix that in time rises from the ashes of what burns up in the process of enduring challenging times of deconstruction and change.
Emerging From The Dark Night 