two realities

I am feeing the power of two realities lately.. Its strange times with social distancing, I notice with the standing back more observing is going on, there is more waiting.. I just went down to our local veggie and fruit market which opens Thursday to Sunday.. most of the staff were wearing masks, not all of them gloves and yes, it was good to be out amongst others, even if having to keep a social distance.. all the shops had squares and crosses marking out the required distance….I got my fruit, veggies, a piece of tart, some stuff from the deli for lunch and then a coffee and sat in my car watching everyone… I then had the realisation of how its affecting every one and even if we have distance between us we are still part of a community.. I thought too of how with my own Saturn in Aquarius (and Saturn passed into Aquarius over the past week) that this distance is something I am used to.. In astrology Uranus as the ruling planet is said to make us Aquarians distant and aloof but also with a heart of deep feeling for humanity.. Sometimes people get Aquarians wrong when they only see the way we seem a bit set apart from the crowd, thinking that perhaps our hearts are cold, but we are deep thinkers and may not always be able to express our emotions well.

Often the ruling planet Uranus when it aspects any highly personal planet like the Sun, Moon, Venus or Mars means there was some kind of detachment shown to us in that particular area when we were young, we may have had to detach to gain a sense of control or had a parent who did this to survive in a time of isolation or disconnection… If Uranus is placed with the Moon or Sun we may have had a detached parent who encouraged independence within us or was not comfortable with us depending on them. They may have had to split off in some way for survival and so we may at times split off mentally and find witnessing or expressing our own or other people’s helplessness and emotions challenging or difficult…This interests me because at the moment its the fear of an illness that may overpower us or others that is providing the threat and social distancing is a natural response but in that equation some deeper needs get over ridden.. Thus this situation triggers many of us, especially those of us who were sent away or not shown, comfort, soothing, understanding or empathy….

I thought today too of youngsters who turn 7 this year and are having their first Saturn square to natal Saturn transit.. These children have Saturn placed in the sign of Scorpio which often puts a resistance on deep feeling anyway, these Saturn placements are generational.. this year those who are 14 have Saturn in Leo and are getting the opposition hit… those who are 21 are getting the waning square…and those who are 28 to 30 will be having their first Saturn return, not sure of the impact on the various generations only know that one of my nephews sons is really struggling with not being able to go to school and other feelings of distress and he is child I know to be super sensitive and empathic.

I got a bit emotional today after leaving the market.. There are a number of times this week I wanted to help someone struggling and social distancing meant I could not do it.. On Thursday I wanted to get change for a 20 dollar note to give 10 bucks to a homeless guy sitting outside the supermarket so I went to get a coffee to get some change only to be told they aren’t accepting cash… today it was wanting to help a lady who dropped something.. Anyway it is what it is and to be honest I had a nice morning, even if driving home I became overcome with emotion that some deep healing is happening in my connection with someone I have cared for deeply for a long time…

This social distancing in touching my own heart wound, seems to be opening my own heart lately…I notice I get smiles from people and when I feel the sadness over the distance triggering old memories of being so distant from others I can feel it all through an integrate it.. I am also aware that alone solitary time is good for the soul.. I was reading through an old dream journal that I kept in the year 2004 in the lead up to my marriage breakdown and I read this last night.. which shows I was intuitive about the need for Jonathan to leave me so I could grow emotionally and undertake my grief work in emotional recovery.. prefigured in some dream fragments.. these dreams happened three months before he told me he was leaving me :

in the dream which involved a boy trying to steal my car, after the boy gives up the attempt my Mum enters the dream in which I am crying saying I do not know how I will cope with the pain and loneliness now that Jonathan has gone.. in the dream Mum tells me that my father is now coming back from the dead to help me.. I awoke in deep pain and grief at the prospect of losing Jonathan and knowing it must be necessary to fully process the grief around my father’s death… (note that he had not even decided to leave me at that time.)

Lately as I am connecting more in love with the love and my heart opening all the pain over the loss of my father and all the other losses opens up too… feeling this all through seems really essential work now and strongly related to my second Saturn return and transit to my natal Moon.