The pressure!

I had an impromptu get together with my neighbour this afternoon, after my sister popped by unexpectedly… She wanted to show me part of her garden she is planning to install raised beds into and along the way of conversing she told me about her younger brother who has struggled all of his life with relationships and now just has a dog, but sadly he cannot visit at certain times due to this… she told me that he eats too much to deal with the loneliness and that he recently had to have stomach surgery… I could recognise aspects of myself in the story she told me… It was easy to empathise… I returned home and got on with dinner and then had one of my late afternoon panic attacks, they have been bad today, I had three all together. Am still stressed about the Scott issue and my therapist was empathising with me, I am being put through even more pressure at the moment and I just am at the point I may have to block communications again.. I got so stressed by it all on Friday I did end up with that injury and it was throbbing pretty badly the entire time I was sharing all of the angst and at one point I was doubled over in tears as I read the texts pleading for my help to get him out of there…

I cant share much here. I don’t know what to do. Not helping seems like a good protective measure, but unfeeling if the truth is true… But at this point I don’t know.. and no one can advise me.. its something I have to come to terms with in the end..I just hate that I have been put in this positive but maybe its the way the Universe works…

Apart from that all is well, when I just have myself and Jasper to take care of and no other pressure I feel at peace.. I just hate it that I am being made responsible for something I have no way of knowing is real or not real.. and I wont know the outcome if I don’t help for some time.