The energy all seems a little crazy this evening… I have random new people sending me message requests on Facebook, the groomer turned up and expressly didn’t follow my instructions not to take too much off Jasper’s coat and stressed him out by clipping him back hard and I just seems\ to be feeling like life is just one huge joke where I have finally realised how mad I have often driven myself in trying to keep everything neat and under control.
Just possibly the illusion of control was never real from the start and I was always a very misshapen peg dancing as hard as she could to keep up to another tune and getting myself bent out of shape by trying to fit into a square hole. The great thing about how I feel tonight is that everything seems loose I just want to joke around, have a laugh and see the humour in everything..all of this while the current news broadcasts are full of how people have been mentally running around buying up every last roll of toilet paper in the wake of suspected corona virus pandemic…. WTF?? The world just seems to be going a bit crazy at the moment.
Add to this that today we have had torrential rain.. 70 mm has fallen today and 80 more is due tomorrow all in the wake of the bush fires, so just possibly I am going a little stir crazy from having been stuck inside all day and not being able to have my daily walk and connect in nature.. I did some exercises with hand weights earlier just to get my body moving..
Sometimes I have the feeling that two axes of myself are twisted in opposite directions…and that my energy is spiralling around some kind of caduceus, I feel these alternative spirals in my body energy wise and at times I just feel all the cells of my body moving and morphing, this concurs with some of the things I have read on ascension shift and also on Peter Levine’s two spirals of trauma inward turning and outward turning….people have been reporting head pressure and other kinds of weird symptoms during the current Mercury retrograde and I read a long time ago that heightened anxiety accompanies both the stations of the planet, which occur a few days either side of it turning direct and retrograde..(Mercury turns direct in 5 to 6 days time). That is why movement and flexibility seems so important right now, Pisces is a mutable sign though in a few days Mercury goes back into the final degrees of Aquarius.
Anyway its kind of nice to feel this current sense of uplift, lightness and joy around me.. I notice the tendency of wanting to judge myself, today I posted some things that have been stuck in my drafts folder for quite a few months that never made it past the censor and I have about 50 other poems in there that I never got to post… I seem to have always been living in fear of judgement from somewhere or someone. Last night my guidance told me to read mediations 71 and 191 in Marion Williamson’s book of daily meditations and both were on being a voice and force for love, rather than fear.. I was guided to read one on service.. I would love in my life to find a way to be of service to uplift others in love to know that we belong and that we matter… I cannot see a more important reason for being alive. When I judge myself or others I tend to get angry, twisted or blocked in some way.. Maybe I have always lived behind defences I did not even realise and the latest Uranus transit now passed has finally freed me up on some level, and maybe the truth is that many of us are skewiff on some level at the moment as we experience a time of shift.
So many emotions and realisations have poured through me during the retrograde, it will be interesting to see where the energy goes as Mercury starts to move forward next Monday.
Emerging From The Dark Night 