surprised by fear

even after all of these years

I am still surprised by the fear

living here

deep inside of me

sometimes it seems

just the sound of your voice

with its harder edge

makes my spirit and being clench

as i lose my breath

while my body resounds

with the haunted echoes

old experiences

etched so deep

in tissue

you carry my history

and its no mystery

that at times I fear you still

even if you do not wish me ill

for I suffered at your hands

while you seemed oblivious

and it was I who was left

to hold the pain

and feel the shame

of foundering

so now I do my best

to hold onto to myself

for I am no longer that helpless child

but sometimes still

just the sound of your voice

brings the stricture of

breathless arrest

or

near paralysis