I learned some very sad information about my sister in law and brother today that came to light after we found out about a family plot in the cemetery located close to us after making enquiries regarding Mum’s ashes yesterday. Apparently my brother and his wife, the one who came to hate my mother, had a stillborn baby. Sadly my sister in law had to carry the baby to term and then give birth. It was their first child. I do not know how I never knew this but it fills me with far more compassion for my sister in law. I got in trouble sticking up for her a few years back with my Mum and second sister, they said how, when she came to live with us after starting to date my brother, she kept herself apart with her books, reading and my family felt like she was looking down on them. I know aloofness is often a cover for other more vulnerable feelings and it goes along with her strong Uranian signature. I just felt empathy for her coming to live with a family carrying whatever she was at that particular time, knowing she lost her mother as a young teenager.
How often do we judge those who seem hard or cold? How often do we feel the heavy weight of their seeming contempt or distain reduce us to tears? How often do we catch their denied or buried feelings? Feelings we could never know just by looking? I know with my s-i-l that she could reduce me and Mum to tears within a few second flat. After my ex husband and I separated she seemed to turn around to keeping a very big distance between me and her grandson, almost as if I would infect him in some way. I know enough by now to know there are complex reasons for the way others treat us, I am used to either being exiled or feeling like I am.
Sadly the rift between my mum and her daughter in law never healed even though in later life Mum tried to acknowledge her part in things. Maybe there is more to the story. Our only niece keeps a big distance and didn’t bother to fly back when Mum died. I would have loved it if she was there. The most emotional support came from my other sister’s youngest son and my older sister’s sons. I remember fondly how my second sister’s son cradled me in a warm embrace holding me close after I burst into floods of tears after giving my part of the eulogy at Mum’s funeral back in December 2017. I still have the white hanky he gave me. It was the most warmth shown to me by any family member and it was his father who we now no longer see who offered me similar kindnesses in the past. I do miss him n days like today. I really miss his warmth.
Wow must be the encroaching Cancer moon stirring all of this family memory and history stuff up this afternoon. Just looked and the Moon is on 29 Gemini right now and we have 18 more degrees for it to travel before it becomes full around 18 – 19 Cancer to the Sun and Pluto and Saturn.
I was also interested to hear in the light of this full moon that Prince Harry and Meghan have decided to step back from public royal duties which has caused a furrour in the press. I think of the contrast between the cold official weight of tradition, formality, duty and obligation represented by Saturn and Capricorn and the warmth and personal energy of the Cancerian Moon but also of the lingering imprints of trauma that his mother Princess Diana, a Sun Sign Cancerian suffered at the hands of the British Media. I fully understand the desire they have to be freed from restrictions and as light workers they want to be where they can do good and provide some warmth. Some of the comments by certain royal spokespeople have frozen my blood and awakened some of my own ire. Finding a way for there to be softness and true genuine caring expressed in our world is not easy right now, bound as it is with so much criticism, judgement and rule bound projectionism of disapproving idiots. So many people are crying out for freedom from the cults of lovelessness and shame dumping. Sadly when we judge the lives of others without all the information we so often miss essential inner pieces of a mysterious puzzle that are often hidden from view, just as the God Pluto was when he donned his invisible helmet.
Emerging From The Dark Night 